Sunday, February 27, 2005


I found this awhile back and I absolutely love it! It would be fabulous to have a whole room designed around it. Wish I knew who created it. Anyone know?

Death of Bling-Bling

And now for a moment of silence as we remember Bling-Bling. Bling-Bling is going to its' grave after enduring far longer than any catch-phrase is ever expected to. B-B had a good life. It is now time to say goodbye.

After much consideration and highly scientific clinical trials, I've come up with some replacement options for B-B. I submit these suggestions for your consideration: (the quotes would be stated by Star, Joan, or Melissa on the red carpet)

"Look at the shine on her!"
"The spark is on and noone's staying home tonight!"
"His sparkle is blinding the crowd here tonight!"
K (as in 24K)
"He's tricked out, turned out and K'd out!"
My personal favorite:
"Her ice is turning up the heat tonight!"

May Bling-Bling rest in peace.

Oscar Shmoscar

I'm watching the Oscars......it's not something I'm going to be dedicating myself to. I'm blown away by how the winners are treated. They have Chris Rock babbling away giving time-munching introductions to actors who will give monotonous even more time-munching introductions to winners who are only allowed 45 seconds! The introductions take 5 times the amount of time the winners are given! Aaaaaand....the poor winner may not even be allowed to give their acceptance speech on the stage! Nope, they are confined to a few steps from where they are sitting! Un-f'n-believable. Didn't the Oscars use to be about the Oscar Winners? When were they pushed to the back burner? I actually feel sorry for the winners, they aren't allowed their moment in the sun. There's a big ugly cloud blocking their spotlight. Oscar nominees might as well do the red carpet and then go home, change into their jammies, order an ooey-gooey pizza and let the Academy Fedex them their Oscar.

Freaky Pussy

If stories about freaky pussy cats isn't your "thang".......you'll want to just skip this post.

I'm a strong believer in fate. I usually call fate "God." It is my sincere belief that life is not full of consequences, but instead is orchestrated by a power greater than me. Therefore, because of this firm belief, I know that before time began I was deemed to be the mama of one freaky-teaky kitty. His name is Tigger, but we call him Bubba, Tig-Tig, Baby Boy & big-man-kitty. I don't think he knows his "legal" name. But, his name is not what this story is about.

From the day he was given to us he has cracked us up. He, being the man-kitty that he is, has an innate need to "mark" his territory. There's no need to cringe....noone ever taught Tig-Tig how to "mark" in the correct manner known to all (except for him) male kitties.

Tig-Tig will go through the motions.....but, that's all there is to his "marking." He backs up to whatever he feels needs his "mark," ie: my leg, and will wiggle his ass in that "gonna-mark-my-territory-so-there-will-be-no-dout-that-you-belong-to-me way" and that will be the end of that. I am "marked." In fact, when I go potty he MUST be in the room with me and will commence marking the WHOLE bathroom. His butt is wiggling all over the place. We don't tell him that most male kitties also pee when they do this. We don't want to mess with his "thang." We kind of like not having the mess and smell all over our house. When Butchy and I discuss it we actually whisper....just in case he's listening. He is a brilliant kitty in other areas.....that's a novel for another day. Maybe he's an idiot savant?!? Shall we start calling him Rainless Tig?

Please, don't discuss his "marking habits" in front of him. We don't want him to feel like he's "different."


Saturday, February 26, 2005

$ $aving

Here's a site I check out regularly. She's got some great $ saving ideas. My kind of gal! Growing up in a frugal household, it wasn't until I was an adult that I realized that most women throw away their pantyhose when they have a run in one leg! Mom and I would just cut off the leg with the run in it and save it until we had a matching pair with a run in one leg.....and voila we had a whole pair with no runs in it! Also, a little extra tummy tucking, too! Bonus!

Check out Dawn's site for more great ideas! Great site, Dawn!!

Leaking brain cells

It's time for me to stop surfing blogs for awhile. Only surfing through blogs that are linked to blogs that I already know I like will keep me from losing too many more brain cells. I always surf the blogs belonging to those that take the time to comment on my posts. I've found some wonderful blogs that way. Surfing through blogexplosion, blogazoo and blogclicker is having a detrimental effect on my psyche. Meaning: Seeing the same boring blogs over and over and over again is causing my brain to go comatose. Then there are those blogs that quote other blogs.....other boring blogs! I'm not into those "Things I've Done" survey thingys, nor do I care about which states people have been to/lived in/bored to tears.

I know, I'm a little cranky. My blog is not all that and I know that. I'm just not a wagon jumper.....I just wave as the wagon goes by. What I REALLY don't like is when a blogger attacks another blogger. I may discuss my dislike for some types of blogs, you'll never see me put a link to a blog and then go on a tirade attacking it. That's just rude. I'm not the attacking-type, either.

Sorry this isn't a happy post today. I'm just not a happy girl. My "froat" hurts and I got aches and pains in areas that are usually pretty quiet. I want my Mama!!! Yes, I know I'm a whiney baby! Death to the one who gave me this crap!


Friday, February 25, 2005

While surfing...

Today I'm sick. Yep, I'm sick on top of already being sick. So now, I must be really sick! Our loser of a roommate has shared his deep-coughy cold with Butchy and I. We are so unimpressed with this loser. I'll vent about him another time.

It's show and tell today....what, you didn't bring anything to share? Guess you'll have to fake it and show off your new #2 pencil. We'll be engrossed, I'm sure.

Anyway.....today I found a blog that has me hooked. I just HAD to share it with all of my loyal readers...yes all 2 of you! Enjoy! I must give this warning first....don't eat before viewing, it wouldn't be a good idea.


Thursday, February 24, 2005

Tell me

There's something I wanna know. When I'm on a moving bus and I jump (not that I make a practice of jumping on buses....or even riding buses...or even jumping next to buses.....I'm just not the jumping type....but, anyway...) why don't I end up at the back of the bus? Or jumping on a plane....why aren't I slammed into the potties in the back of the plane? It's not that I want to be slammed into the back of a moving mode of transportation. I just wanna know why it doesn't happen. I'm sure there's some name for this. Some scientific theoretical-heretical-hypothetical-whositwhatsit. (That's a hi-tech term for "something-or-other")

Jesus loves me, this I know

That would definitely NOT make Jesus very happy!

Worst Book on the Planet Nominee

If there is an award for the absolute worst book ever, I have a nominee I'd like to....uhmmmm....nominate. That just sounded redundant in my head. But it works.

Back to this horrible book......Outerbridge Reach by Robert Stone
It's one of those books that you keep reading thinking it must "get good" eventually. Alas, nope it never did. In fact, it actually got a lot worse! The writing, editing, plot, title, it all royally sucks! There are even typos in it to add to it's "charm." I wouldn't wish this book on my most favorite enemy. I think it should be required reading for all prisoners....unless the prisoner is actually innocent, then this would be cruel and unusual punishment. Do you get the impression that I absolutely detest this book? Thought so. It was a major waste of time. I should sue Robert Stone for mental anguish. Wonder how much $ I could get from him? Probably only $1...since that's more than likely all he's made off this stinker.

Read this book at your own risk. I've done my duty. You've been warned.

Puppy Love

Indian tribals marry off two boys, two girls to puppies to ward off evil

And to think there are people who have problems with gays marrying! At least, we're the same specie!

Yawn, yawn, yawn

Made ya yawn!

It's true that if you read about yawning then you will, more often than not, have an overwhelming urge to yawn. Also, reading recipes makes me hungry. So, tonight I have eaten absolutely nothing that would cause gas....yet, I'm a pootin' fool. Could it be all the boring blogs I've waded through? Some of them could have been full of hot air for all I know. Maybe we should get a zillion dollar grant to study this. Hmmmm.....now if I could write the book that would cause a person to lose weight.....$$$$$$ No, I'm not talking about a diet book, Miss Contentious. I'm talking about a yawn book...but for losing weight, rather than yawning. Wait, I just thought of something.....when we're yawning we aren't eating....that would just be gross. So maybe a yawn book could multitask! I can see it now.......... "I Yawned My Way to a Size 6" Don't go stealing my idea! I know you want to. Yawn, yawn, yawn.......the yawning begins........


I'm tuckered out from all the surfing I've done today. I've toured through all the blogs belonging to those that have left comments on my blog. I've, also, surfed through Blogclicker, Blogexplosion and Blogazoo. It's been a busy busy day. LOL It amazes me what some people blog about. There are those that use initials or creative nicknames for the characters in their life....then there are those blogs that use their real names and even the names of their kids. They'll even include where they live. That just doesn't sound like a good idea to me. Not that anyone listens to me....but, they should!

I'm still adding to my list of favorite blogs....if you know of any good ones don't keep 'em to yourself! Share them with me, please!!


So, I'm watching Court TV and for some reason unknown to me, or anyone else in this dimension, an old job comes to mind. Years ago I worked for a crematory. It may sound odd but that was one of my favorite jobs. Part of my duties was to answer the phone and also to answer any questions that someone may have regarding the cremation process. The best call I ever got was one that went like this: (K is for Kat...that would be me. And C is for caller....that would be...well....you get the picture)
K: Thank you for calling The Bakeshop* how may I help you?
C: Hi, I have a brother that just died.
K: I'm sorry for your loss how can I be of help?
C: Well, see, he's a pretty big guy.
K: Ok.....
C: uhmmm....ahhh...well.....
K: How can I help, sir?
C: Do y'all bake 'em by the pound?
K: (Desperately trying to hold back her raging inner laughter) Do you mean would we weigh him to determine the charge of cremating him?
C: yeah...do you bake 'em by the pound?
K: No, sir. We don't. There's a set fee for cremation. If your brother is too large for us to be able to do his cremation here we would have his cremation done at another facility.
C: Oh, ok. Thanks!
Yep, that is definitely one of my favorite calls. I've been chuckling about that call for years.

*Name of crematory was changed to protect the stupid.

Breaking News

This just in: Buddha has been reincarnated! He's alive and well living in California. Rubbing this Buddha will be frowned upon.


Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Here's some love

I have a new mission in life.....I'm gonna find the love. If you know where some love is please let me know!

Here's some love from the United Church of Christ:
God is Still Speaking
CBS and NBC recently refused to air an ad by the United Church of Christ because they deemed it too "controversial". Check out this "controversial" ad.

Christians, where's the love?

As stated in a previous post I was raised by fundamentalists. Basically my parents believe that if the Bible says it, that settles it. Unless, of course, it was something cultural or was B.C. (before Christ). I didn't have hair down to my ankles or have to wear dresses all the time, those were classified as cultural. As I've matured (aged sounds so....well...ancient) I've come to realize that there are a large number of deluded people in our country that call themselves Christians. Why do I say they are deluded? Well, cuz they are! Here's my thoughts on this: Christian means: one who professes belief in the teachings of Jesus Christ. Having been raised in a Christian home and attending Christian schools and even attending a Christian college I have been given the gift of quite a bit of Biblical knowledge. In the course of my studies I came to discover that the teachings of Christ were all about love. That is the foundation of Christ's teachings....He was all about love. He IS love.

Do you see where I'm going with this? When we hear those infamous conservatives that have overtaken our government spewing their "Jesus Juice" all I find myself thinking is, "Where's the love?" I firmly believe in boundaries, laws, etc. But...and this is one heckuva big ass B U T.....the spiel that fundy's give about "love the sinner, but hate the sin" is a whole load of bull poop. Show me the love, then I'll be willing to listen to your silly asinine opinions. It's pretty clear that the right-wingers do not love gays. Yet they are wanting to reach gays for Christ. Would you want a Christ that is judgemental? Discriminating? Violent? Hate-filled? No? Really? How odd. That's the Christ that the right-wingers are selling. Maybe it's not so odd that gays aren't buying. Where's the love?

People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care.

What others think about me.

I'm a ponderer. Never heard of one of those? All it means is that I enjoy pondering. My favorite time to ponder is when I'm driving. Before I discovered pondering I would pop in a cd and sing my way down the road. Never caring how I looked to other drivers. I'm one of those people that figures as long as I'm not hurting anyone who cares what people think about me. I'm not gonna waste my time living my life worried about what others think. That's one of the many issues I have pondered. What I came up with is that we tend to think that people have a lot of thoughts about us. The truth is that most people are more focused on their own stuff than they are on me. I'll be thinking that someone in the checkout line is admiring my hair, when actually she's totally distracted by my ass which happens to be bared cuz my hem is stuck in my waistband! See what I mean? You never know what people are thinking! Then there's the day I was looking good! I had created an outfit that was long shorts with a matching top. I was feeling mighty cute that day! Out running errands I could hear people making comments about my outfit....Oh yeah! I was in the cute zone! Before heading home I stopped by a friend's house. As she was working on her flower bed I sat on her steps. It struck me that I was feeling pretty cold. That's when I realized that I had been all over town showing Spokane my granny panties! The seam in my shorts was ripped from waist to crotch! So much for being in the cute zone. When I could finally ponder my day, I realized the seam had ripped out before I had even left home! I was getting laundry into the washing machine......bent over....felt something, but not thinking it was my seam letting loose I didn't give it another thought. How's that for an error in judgement? That's me, oh wise one! Again, I was wrong in what I thought others were thinking. I'm thinking I'm the cutest and they are commenting on my granny panties! You just can't assume you know what someone is thinking. Therefore, I don't waste time pondering other people's thoughts anymore. If I wanna know what someone is thinking I do something pretty drastic and daring....I ask them. I know, my courage is overwhelming you. It overwhelms me sometimes, too.

So, what are you thinking?


I'm envious of smokers. No, it's not: their smell, their yellowed teeth, their deep hacking coughs, their glass-shard-gargling voices, their leathered skin, their need to smoke no matter how much it inconveniences the nonsmokers in their life, & don't even get me started on all the money that is used to feed their habit....what I'm envious of is their "chill factor." They can be in an extremely stress-filled situation take a "breather" (meaning they take a moment to breathe in the most noxious fumes they can find) and then *poof* all is well in their world. The nonsmoker is still fuming, but the smoker's stress has all gone up in smoke. Literally! I want some of that! Of course, without all the stink and crap.

No need to fret, I have a plan. Due to having a throat that closes up when it comes in contact with noxious fumes I will never be able to inhale all those chillin' fumes. So, no actual smoking for me. Nope, I'm all about the patches! Yep, I'm gonna ease my way into Chill World. I'm trying to remember the commercials I've seen. If memory serves me right (yes, I'm quoting the Chairman from Iron Chef. That dude is cool! Anyway....) ok, if memory serves me right the patches are set up so that I can take the lowest dose and then move to the higher doses when I need more "chill." I'll be a chillin' villain in no time! And without all the stink and crap! Why they don't market those patches to those of us who can't smoke is beyond me!

If it wasn't for getting cancer and having obnoxious & noxious toxins invade my body.....I would soooooo be patchin' it!

Bear hug anyone?

What the world needs now is a big ass bear hug!!

Surfing the Webwaves

I'm surfing away on Blogazoo and on Blogexplosion. So far I've seen the same 5 blogs! That causes me to wonder where are all the other blogs??? I enjoy reading blogs. It gets my creative juices flowing. It also educates me. So....now I just need to find where all the interesting blogs are. I've seen all that BE has to offer, I'm now speed surfing through BA. Where is everybody????

Yay me!

BE must have felt my icky-sicky vibe and sent me oodles of credits to butter me up. How sweet. Now where did I put my sinus excavator?


Tuesday, February 22, 2005

You talkin' to me?

Oh, yeah. It's one of those days!

Self Love

This is something I've always wondered. What about those people that don't have a decent bone in their body? Child molesters? Rapists? Murderers? Are they supposed to hate the sin, but love the sinner? Even if they are the sinner? I think self love may be highly overrated. Maybe a little more "other love" would be better for everyone.


Monday, February 21, 2005


Someday is Today


You'll want to read it again.

Go ahead, I'll wait.

It's one of those gems you hear once and never forget. I've completely forgotten where I heard it and who it was that said it. Actually, I know where...it was on tv....but, I couldn't tell you which show. It sounds like something you'd hear on Oprah or Dr Phil. Could've been....I don't remember. Who, what, where, when and why don't matter to me one bit. All I know is that it's an attitude that I want to implement in my life.


Diet shows make me hungry!

Yep, it's true, I guess it's reverse psychology. Watching Oprah today and seeing all those women that did overhauls on themselves....where's my Snickers? My ears hear the word "diet" and I'm hunting for something decadent! I love watching exercise shows, especially if I have popcorn & my snuggle to enhance the experience. Exercise shows are not an interactive show for me. I'm purely a spectator. "Wow! Look at that girl in the back twisting herself into a pretzel.....and she's smiling? Why isn't she turning blue? How can she breathe like that?" Then the steps come out....now that's some edge-of-your-seat entertainment! Up, down, up, down.....why they don't just take the escalator is beyond me! Looking at these skeletal women I can't help but think, "There's a very large number of desserts out there feeling unloved and neglected." It is my duty to pick up their slack. Therefore, I dedicate myself to the ingestion of all things ooey-gooey. I must do all I can to maintain the cosmic dessert balance. Yes, there really is a cosmic dessert balance. Don't bother arguing with me about this Miss Skinny Pants! Sit down, shut up and finish eating your rice cake! Now, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted: I must do all I can to maintain the cosmic dessert balance. All of the desserts that they neglect will no longer be left lonely and seeking love. This is a duty that I take very seriously. It is my vow that I will never be like those women on the Titanic that refused dessert. They ended up thin hungry corpses. I refuse to end up like that!!! As God is my witness, I will never be a thin chocolate starved corpse!

Look out, Reggie! After 12 weeks of Oprah's Boot Camp, Reggie lost a remarkable 30 pounds. Oprah was thrilled to tell her makeup artist that his blood pressure was now a fantastic 122 over 74.

Yeah, whatever, where's my chocolate stash?

Thinking of my happy healthy place.

We all need a "happy place." A place we can go in our mind that removes us from our current situation. I've been unhealthy for so long it's hard to remember what it's like to be healthy. Today is one of those low days when I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Share my happy healthy place with me:


Sunday, February 20, 2005

Ab Fab.....sure beats Yoga!

Laughing....abs....painful.....working out.....can't breathe......breathing again......in the nose.....out through whichever orifice it escapes......still laughing.....holding chubby bubby thighs together....don't.....peeeeeeeee......


Saturday, February 19, 2005

Things I think I know

Of Men & Women
  • Women don't understand other women. We are convinced we do, but we really don't. Women are a mystery to us, as well. Unless, a woman is after your hunny, then we know EXACTLY what that woman has on her mind!
  • Women marry for love and security, men marry for nurturing and sex.
  • Women who kill their spouse are calculating. Men are emotional killers.
  • If a man says he doesn't deserve you, he's right. He's feeling guilty about something. If a woman says it, she's fishing for a compliment.
  • The correct answer to, "How do you like my (insert whatever she says here)?" Is always....let me repeat...ALWAYS, "How do YOU like it?" If you always answer that way then whether you like something or not, you are covered. Stress to her that what's most important is that she looks beautiful no matter what she does. This will ensure a long sexlife for you!
  • When a man asks for your opinon on something he's wearing which is horrendous....tell him it makes his dick look small. It will be in the garbage faster than you can say oogly-boogly.
  • Men are very simple: admire them, feed them & have sex with them and they will live happily ever after.
  • Men love the action and strategy involved with sports, women want to know all about their personal lives. Tell your woman that the quarterback on the other team is leaving his wife and kids for his mistress and your woman will instantly become a fan for your team. She will cheer whenever the qb is sacked and will be very emotionally involved in the game.
  • If your spouse became a mega-bitch or a prick after you married them, it could be that you have created the monster you're living with. Unless they are just a psychotic loon. But it's more likely that you have done something and you need to go apologize.
  • Want your man to work around the house? Compliment him on what he has already done. Really build him up and he will then want to hear more about how wonderful he is. My newspaper guy NEVER delivered the newspaper to my apt. door until I complimented him and thanked him for doing it. From then on my paper was at my door every morning!
  • Women communicate as if we're writing a novel. Men communicate in memo format. Just give them the bullet points. Of course, if the man is talking to another man about the fish he caught or the deer he killed then it's a frickin' miniseries!
I'm tired of being so analytical. I'm gonna go eat chocolate.

Verbose Verbiage*

Posted by Hello

I feel the need to confess to something. I love words. It's not that I love to talk, that's just something I'm really good at. Words are art to me. There are a zillion ways to say the same thing. In art there are a zillion ways to portray the same topic. Words truly are art.

The way some words feel in my mouth......funny, but it's hard to explain in words! Words are like that, sometimes they are very limited as well as being limiting. Then there are those words that fit like my snuggle. (My flannel warm snuggly blanket that I made all by myself.) Words are similar to art in that they are used to express emotions. There are those words that bring about intense emotion....whether the emotion be love, sadness, joy or hate, anger, frustration....words are there through it all. They can lift you up to unbelievable heights or rip you to jagged shreds. I would rather be beaten with a fist than shredded with cruel words. I have experienced both. The recovery from fists is quite a bit faster than the recovery from someone's horrid torrent of cruelty. Both destroy your trust, but it's easier to deflect a fist than it is to deflect a sharply honed word designed to eviscerate you.

On the other end of the spectrum are those words that build you up. Words that cause you to feel like you can conquer the world. Words that give you hope. We all know about the words that cause you to feel loved and cherished. Spoken by that one person ...your heart breaks into song. Which is much preferred to breaking into pieces.

All this verbiage came about cuz I was watching Inside the Actor's Studio and Kiefer Sutherland used the word visceral and I thought, "that's one of those words that feels good in my mouth." It didn't matter what the word meant...just how it felt in my mouth. So, I was going to write about those words that I love to say. But, instead I ended up heading in a different direction. What a surprise. I make myself tired. Is it nap time?

Verbose: containing more words than necessary
Verbiage: a profusion of words usually of little or obscure content
Simply....too many damn words! Time to shut the hell up!

Webcam Voyeur, that's me!

Posted by Hello

How cool is this? This is not just your little laundry mat on the corner....well, it actually is...if you live in JAPAN!!! That's right...this is a live shot of a laundry mat in Japan! Click on the pic and then you can see people trying to cross a street in Romania, computer labs at various colleges/universities around the States, or just watch a dark room in Switzerland. It's all there for your viewing pleasure! Talk about reality tv!

Bite the Bull??

I've heard of "bite the bullet," but "bite the bull???" This is a new one for me!

A participant bites the tail of his bull to urge it to run faster during a bullock cart race on the second day of the rural games, also called the 'Mini Olympics', at Kila Raipur, India, Friday Feb. 18, 2005. The annual event encourages rural sports. (AP Photo/Aman Sharma)


Friday, February 18, 2005

BK: B is for Bully

Posted by Hello

Lately I have noticed a very disturbing trend in BK's commercials. It started when they promoted Omarosa from Lying Loser to the one "in charge" of a group of office drones in a drab office. Would you really want a Lying Loser to be your celebrity endorsement??? How about those nutcases that said they cloned 2 baby girls a couple years ago, I'm sure they're available! I have absolutely no interest in emulating a Lying Loser.

The genius minds in BK's advertising department are now reaching the masses with their Bully campaign. I'm sure there are masses of folks that can relate to bullying. I'm sure there's a scientific study somewhere that proves what we already know, there are 5 victims to every 1 bully. So, of course! Let's have a commercial where there's a bully in an office that is taller than the "little victim guy" and we'll have the mean bully make the "lvg" reel in his lunch. And when the "lvg's" reeling causes him to knock the stuff off the counter and into the sink......it would make perfect sense to have the bully make a wonderfully sarcastic comment ("good one skipper!"). Of course, just like the man that used to beat me....if he hit me and I fell, well it's my own damn fault that I fell! Yeah, I have some pretty strong feelings about bullying.

Where are the positive commercials? The ones that cause us to feel like we will be better humans, Americans, Moms, Dads, etc. if we eat at BK. We wouldn't just be eating fast food....we'd be promoting all that makes us the wonderful people that we are. Instead we're stuck with a Lying Loser and a Bully. Way to go, Bully King!

Interactive Blogs

As I surf Blog Explosion to gaze upon humanity's creativity I am impressed, humored, intelligently challenged, saddened, motivated, irked, frustrated, and sometimes those 30 seconds feel more like 15 minutes. I get so tired of the prostitutes. That's right...you read correctly...p-r-o-s-t-i-t-u-t-e-s. Blogho's. I know you know what I'm talkin' about. Those folks that come up with controversial topics for the sole purpose of getting some poor "John" to leave a comment. There's also the ones that post questions on their blog...just another way to solicit comments. Then there are those that are just total Comment Whores. They simply beg for comments.

I do love reading comments. I don't need it. Comments do not raise or lower my self-esteem. They do not dictate if my day will be a good one, or not. I don't live for them. I don't steal money to get my comment-fix. I'd never think of paying for them. I, also, will not fake a comment, either. If I do that I will never have my needs met. And that's just wrong! Comments are wonderful, but there needs to be a balance. I wouldn't want to become a comment-addict or anything like that. CAA..."Hi, my name is Kat and I'm a Comment Addict." Nope, no thanks. Not for me! I'll pass. Anyway, I'm more of a giver than a receiver.....know what I mean?

If ya want to leave a comment then do, or don't. Whatever. I'll be ok either way.

Fundamental Fundamentalists

My head is warped. Yep....totally full-on-tilt warped. I was reading my daily blogs (kind of like daily meditations, only a lot more screwy!) and laughed my way to my last one. So, I'm reading Carol's post called, "The rantings of a long day" and I get to the part where she says that the table next to her, #18, is Auto Fundamentals. Now, that's what she wrote, but that's not what I read.

Let me give you a little background (sheesh, cool your jets, turbo! It really will be "a little"). A N Y W A Y.....I was raised in a home with a fundamentalist dictator. We called him Dad. Actually, we still do call him Dad...or Daddy-O...or Reverend Most High Father (He has been a missionary/pastor/Sheriff's Chaplain & currently he's a Fire Chaplain)....or...well, you don't need to know all our nicknames for him.
A N Y W A YYYYYY.....sheesh I'm winded....hold on.....catching my breath.....ok, so, I was raised fundamentalist (more mental than fun, let me tell you!). Due to being raised fundy I am now incapable of reading the word fundamental. Fundamentally speaking, the word fundamental, in my warped & twisted mind, will always be fundamentalist. (I bet you saw that coming from another galaxy!) So...I'm reading "Auto Fundamentals" on Carol's site and in my head I start thinking (cuz that's where I usually do my thinking): "well, she is in Utah. The fundies I've heard about in Utah are all polygamous. So would adding "Auto" to "Fundamentalist" mean that they are born into a polygamous family and therefore are Automatic Fundamentalists?" (Not to be confused with those that are Manual!)
Then I got to the part where she's talking about props and realized (because I am a true genius) that "Auto" was in reference to automobile. Now Automobile Fundamentalists was a whole new religion to me. I've heard of motorheads, I've heard of autoerotism (those are total car freaky-deakies!), but this group sounded like it would be way more extreme and legalistic. Would they have to own more than one car? How would they make sure that one car didn't feel left out? How would they keep the other cars from being jealous when it wasn't their night? Would some be used for pleasure and others for errands? What about garages, would they all have their own, or would they have to share? These are all questions that MUST be considered!
Then I thought I should check out the name again....oh. fundamentals. as in the basics. hmmmm....now that just doesn't sound as exciting as Auto Fundamentalists.

Here's my list
of my daily
Matt's defective yeti,
Heather's Dooce,
Brian's Dog eat Doug,
Carol's The Second Half

It must be Christmas!

It's Christmas at our house! I know it's only February...but, when we found out today that our stuff wasn't stolen, but rather stored....woo hoo!! It's Christmas! I've been in mourning over the cookware that previously belonged to my Grandma and Great Aunt, my favorite pressure cooker, my southwestern style lamps, and other things that mean nothing to anyone, except for me. Butchy is so happy that her lawncare stuff isn't gone for good. We're both so relieved that our old friend, is still our friend. We both really love him. We've gotten all our stuff back and our friend, too. It's a good day! Merry Christmas to us!

This has been a lesson in gratitude. We are grateful for things that were already ours. We're grateful to have a friend back that we'd never lost. Our stuff isn't very valuable and it is just Stuff. But, it's the memories attached to those material items that matter more to us than anything else. I'm grateful for the wonderful memories I have. I'm just plumb grateful!

Stoopid is as Stoopid drinks!

Posted by Hello

Is it just Butchy & I that think the Bacardi and Cola commercials are beyond stupid? I wouldn't want to drink Bacardi cuz then I might end up stoopid *stoopid is stupid at its' extreme* like those in the commercial. As far as I'm concerned, there's quite enough stoopid people in this country already! I guess the ads help in letting us know what stoopid people drink so we can identify them by their drinks. Guess this is the way that stoopid people attempt to have some class. Too bad it doesn't work!

I'm not saying that anyone who drinks Bacardi is stupid, or even stoopid. I'm just commenting on those really STOOPID commercials!


Thursday, February 17, 2005

Love this!!!

Posted by Hello

Click on the picture to see more of Dog eat Doug....it's wonderful! I'm his newest fan!

We Now Pause for This Moment of Zen

Posted by Hello

Zen is something I know nothing about, except that the colors black and white are somehow involved. In my world Zen means a calm, peaceful, easy feeling...sounds like a song. Easy like Sunday morning..... Anyway....
This picture causes me to feel zenly. The longer I look at it the more zenly I'm feeling all over. Zenly should not be confused with tingly.....Zenly would be that moment when you sink into a bubble bath that's just the perfect temperature. That first moment of "ahhhhh." Now, that's feelin' Zenly! Tingly is a totally different feeling.

So whatever Zen means to anyone else doesn't really matter to me....I'm too busy feeling zenly!

Impacted Potty

I'm currently on Butchy's poo-poo list. It all started when we had some rice go bad and it was stinkin' up our frige. Usually Butchy handles the stinky, sticky or just gross projects around the house. She takes such good care of me! I am spoiled. Anyway...back to the stinky rice. For a change of pace I thought I would take care of it. By "take care of it" I mean that I'd put it in the toilet....why stink up the new garbage bag? Welllllllll....my intentions were great....my execution sucks! We now have an impacted toilet. Lucky us! I did break up the rice. I didn't just toss in the big ol' chunk of stinky rice into the pot. I even plunged the potty after I had used it and realized it had a little constipation.....plunging worked a little bit.

Stay tuned to hear our latest updates. Will we get our toilet flowing? Will Butchy forgive Pryncess? Will I quit obsessing on the constipated potty? Will Brad and Jen get back together? Enquiring minds want to know!

Pencil Test.....as heard on Oprah

While fondling a "makeover model" the What Not to Wear Girls told Oprah all about the Pencil Test. The test requires putting a pencil under your boob...if it drops you're still perky...if it doesn't you've got a little saggage. Oprah made a comment that there are those that could keep a whole pencil SET under their boobs. My reaction was that I could keep the whole log used to make the pencils under one of my girls! Small pets have been lost under the girls! I have my own version of the Bermuda Triangle. The girls have had quite the colorful past. They have been used to harbor shot glasses, salt and pepper shakers (courtesy of an expensive steakhouse), roll of tp (ya never know when you won't have a leaf handy), $ (much safer than a purse!), keys, makeup (I don't need no stinking makeup bag!),and a partridge in a pear tree! You never know what will fall out of my bra at the end of the day. I am limited in what I can store in my bra...chocolate was a mess. Not a good idea. When storing items in my bra I must remember at all times that my boobs have their own weather, hot & humid. Also, I need to be cautious of anything that will change the size or shape of my girls....I really don't want to walk around with my boobs resembling a landfill. Even though there have been times that I have used cans of Diet Coke to cool the girls off, I don't want to look too redneck/white trash. I do have my limits!

What about the Cupholder test?

Posted by Hello

Wonder what the Cupholder Test would require?

Just so's ya know...this IS NOT ME!!! So don't bother asking me if it is.


In my head I'm an Englishwoman. It's true! When I have conversations in my head I'm often speaking with an English accent. Now this wouldn't be at all odd if I really were English. But, I'm only 1/8 or so English. And...well...I've never been to England! The closest I've ever been to England was when I was in the 1st grade and my family moved from Seaside, OR to Rochester, PA...that's right, Pennsylvania.

I have a friend from England. When we chat I often start speaking with an English accent. It's a good thing that she knows me and my quirks well enough now that she doesn't feel like I'm mocking her. When I call her she often thinks I'm her sister....who is English and has the same name as me! So, I guess I'm pretty good at it. Yay me!

If I chat with someone from Australia, New Zealand or even Jamaica I have to concentrate really hard on not falling into using their accent. I'm just an accent sponge. But, I'm picky. When we lived in the Philippines I never talked Tagalish (mixture of Tagalog and English). My grandmother and great aunt were from Finland, I could mimic them, but I never had to fight myself from speaking with that accent. I did love the way my grandpa talked...he was Norwegian. I would love the way he would call my brother, Michael, "the boy." I always wondered if he knew my brother's name. My Mom was Lin-nee-ah and I was Katrin. My Mom's name is Linnea (pronounced Linn-ay-uh) and I'm Kathryn (pronounced Kat).

Maybe when I grow up I can be an English Lady. Lady Kathryn of Lesbian.

Fear the banana!

Posted by Hello

Spoken just a couple of minutes ago: "Fear the banana!" I said it while Butchy was taunting our Tigger Kitty with a bananna....he had jumped onto the bed landing next to it and it freaked him out. I guess he was wondering why there was a banana on the bed......I wish I had a sexy naughty story to tell, but not in this house. The bed is Butchy's end table....she's been having a banana craving and after a trip to W*M the banana ended up on the bed waiting for her to consume it.

Wanna know something I found to be odd? There's a banana website! It's true....check it out here.


Wednesday, February 16, 2005

I'd like a case, please!

Posted by Hello

Trust Replaced

Previously on Days of Kat's Life:
Kat & Butchy were heartsick thinking that their stuff that was entrusted to an exroommate was being stolen by the ex. After posting Kat was contacted by someone living in Oak Harbor and through the info given by Miss Queenie Kat was able to establish contact with the ex. All is well. The valuables are in a storage unit and there has been a series of mishaps that have kept the ex from responding to any of Kat's attempts to reach him.

Kat's new best friend is Queenie. I am infinitely grateful! She has a blog that you can check out.

Driving Miss "Daisy Dukes"???

It is sometimes a struggle to dress "age appropriately."
For those that are totally clueless here's a list of "styles"
that just don't fit together:

1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo's and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and hanging over the belt midriff
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Short shorts (Daisy Dukes) and varicose veins
12. Inline skates and a walker
And my personal favorite:
13. Thongs and Depends

Poker anyone?

Posted by Hello

I'm learning how to play poker. I've gotten into watching Celebrity Poker on Bravo and now I'm sure that I'm on my way to becoming the next Chris Moneymaker. Winning isn't that important to me....at least, that's what you'd think if you ever watched me play. For years I've loved playing blackjack. There's just no bluffing in blackjack! There's not much bluffing in online poker, either. At least, not the tables I've played at....so far. I know that I'd be a great bluffer.....for years I had men convinced that they were bringing me to orgasm....now I'm putting my bluffing powers to work in poker. If I could play with real-life people I would do alot better.....online noone can truly appreciate my Oscar-worthy poker face! They should start webcam poker....that would be cool!

I need a hug!

Posted by Hello

Today is an icky-sicky day. My ear is feeling pretty good so now my tummy is thinking it wants some attention. My body hates me! There's a conspiracy brewing.......the only cure is Eeyore. He makes my heart smile. Is it strange for a 38 year-old to want her Mommy?

Not just gay, we're gaaaaaaaay!

Here's something that's a little irksome for me.....I am incapapable (sheesh, what am I drinking?) of mimicking a flamer. For those not in the loop....a flamer is someone who is a fabulously, extravagantly, kind of femme gaaaaaaay man. Back to the topic at hand.....when I attempt to mimic a flamer I just look incredibly...well...femme. Seeing that I am already ultra femme (I don't even set off my own gaydar!) it just doesn't work. Now my impression of a bear....again for those not in the loop a bear is a hairy, usually large, bearded, mustachioed, leather wearing gay man.....I'm a hoot impersonating a bear &/or a dyke. In my world dyke's are Butchy and a lez is a femme. Welcome to my world!

I am a diva. Drag queens beware.....my padding doesn't come off after the show!

In case you were wondering....

Gay Bear
Gay Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Outlawing Divorce & Adultery. Only gays left on Capitol Hill!

Finally my views in print in a bigtime newspaper! Too bad I'm not Dimitri Vassilaros. It's amazing the way he read my mind!

Divorced from reality

By Dimitri Vassilaros

Friday, February 11, 2005

If social conservatives really wanted to protect marriage, the Marriage Protection Amendment would prohibit divorce.

In his State of the Union address, President George W. Bush said he would support the constitutional amendment to "protect the institution of marriage." He called marriage "sacred." But his manipulation of its "protection" is profane.

Bush and his spiritual soul mates are using what had been titled the Federal Marriage Amendment to protect marriage by banning it. (Same-sex marriage, that is.)

But it does not stop states from extending or prohibiting marriage-like benefits to same-sex and opposite-sex couples in cohabitation.

Presumably, married gays and lesbians, and couples shacking up, are blasphemy to the feds. "Smite them, Lord, before they continue to defile!"

Or whatever.

Let's call their bluff. Homosexuals are a small sliver of humanity. Even if they all paired up and got hitched tomorrow at those funky Viva Las Vegas Elvis-themed wedding chapels, how would that threaten your marriage?

Divorce, by definition, is the threat to the "sacred" institution. So let's use that in a counterattack. Let's put those who would deny Americans that most basic civil right, on the defensive. Let's see if marriage really is a sacred cow or just something to be milked politically.

Opponents of the grossly misnamed social engineering amendment must lobby to change the wording to include a prohibition of divorce.

If they succeed, we could sit back and see if U.S. senators such as Pennsylvania's Rick Santorum and other so-called marriage defenders have the intestinal fortitude and the political backbone to truly protect marriage by spelling out a ban to its only threat, D-I-V-O-R-C-E (as Tammy Wynette would have called it).

You would think principled social conservatives would just love this genuine marriage protection. You would think.

Tony Perkins is president of the Family Research Council. The FRC claims it "champions marriage and family as the foundation of civilization, the seedbed of virtue, and the wellspring of society." It looked like the ideal organization to support a divorce prohibition so marriage finally can be protected properly.

Looks are deceiving.

"Most conservatives do not see divorce under the purview of the federal government," Perkins said. Marriage is, but divorce isn't. Only John Kerry could appreciate the subtlety of that nuance.

Katherine S. Spaht, a social conservative and darn proud of it, also is a professor of law at Louisiana State University. Spaht drafted the legislation that toughened the divorce laws in the Bayou State. To her credit, she is outing the social conservative hypocrites who want to protect marriage -- as long as the laws do not apply to them.

"It would take another generation to outlaw divorce," Spaht said. "People say, 'yes, we have too much divorce.' As an abstract, they agree, but they do not want the law to apply to them."

So much for protecting marriage.

Social conservatives have been getting a free ride on this marriage protection thing. It is time to "out" the divorced ones. Everyone should be made aware of how many spouses have been discarded by proponents and how many have had, or are having, extramarital affairs as they protect marriage.

It is everyone's solemn duty to protect this sacred institution.

Dimitri Vassilaros can be reached at dvassilaros@tribweb.com or (412) 380-5637.

Can I hear an Amen???

You are NOT invited, aren't ya glad?

I have NO gmail invites to hand out. I've read oodles and oodles of blogs that are offering these invites so if ya really want one I'm pretty sure you can find one of the gazillion that are handing them out. Just don't come lookin' to me for your invite!

I also have no invites to the Oscars. That doesn't upset me....much. I've given some award winning performances in my lifetime, but considering these were never caught on camera......well you get the picture.....actually, you get the lack of any pictures. Just believe me when I say that each performance was definitely Oscar-worthy!

As a side note: I'm tired of cruising blogs and finding those that have really creative &/or funny titles and subtitles and the posts are all yawn-inspiring. Yawn. Yawn. Yawn. Great, now I'm ready for a nap........

And now a word from our sponsors....

I read this and it just crackled me up. As I wrote this there's an ad on tv for enzyte....too funny. Can you imagine the trial? All these men sitting there with their teeny-tiny-peenies pouting cuz they saw an infomercial with some big tata'd porn star saying that this pill would increase the size of their teeny-tinies and wonder of wonders, it didn't work! Well cool your jets turbo cuz it actually did increase the size of their teeny-tinies....their brains have enlarged due to learning that this pill didn't enlarge their under engorged teeny-tiny.

And now a pause for this public service announcement:

Surprised Customer Says Penis Pills Don't Work

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - A New Jersey man has filed a false advertising lawsuit against a maker of herbal penis enlargement pills, alleging the medicine does not fulfill its promises, the plaintiff's lawyer said on Monday.

Two similar cases, filed last year in Colorado and Ohio, accuse manufacturers of herbal dietary supplements, VigRx and Enzyte, of falsely claiming to be able to add substantial length and girth to a man's penis.

All three suits seek class action status and claim to represent more than 1 million total plaintiffs.

In the latest case, filed on Jan. 21 in New Jersey state court, plaintiff Michael Coluzzi claimed he paid $59.95 for a 30-day supply of Alzare pills but "experienced no increase in penis size," and then was unable to collect a promised refund from manufacturer Alzare LLC of Boca Raton, Florida.

Neither Alzare nor chief operating officer Scott Hammond, both named as defendants, could be reached for comment.

Coluzzi's attorney, Stephen DeNittis, said many men had been taken in by dubious claims that the product would add up to 3 inches (7.5 cm) to their penises by "very, very convincing" advertising, such as infomercials featuring doctors and porn stars.

"Males, for whatever reason, may be susceptible because of what they feel they lack," DeNittis said. "It was so believable I confirmed with an expert (that the claims were false) before I filed the lawsuit. They said they had done medical studies proving that it works."

The ads for Alzare tablets, comprised of ginseng, yohimbe bark, L-arginine and other ingredients, guaranteed results within a week and claimed a 95 percent success rate in the more than 100,000 men who have used it, the suit said.

But last year, the Center for Science in the Public Interest filed a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission saying the maker of Enzyte had not backed up its claims with science.

Although thousands of complaints have been registered with local government agencies and the Better Business Bureau, few lawsuits have been filed because the companies appear to be "judgment proof," DeNittis said.

"They don't have enough assets for plaintiffs to recover, and some of the defendants are fly-by-night -- they close up shop after they get sued," he said.

All three lawsuits claim that plaintiffs were unable to contact the companies for guaranteed refunds after spending hundreds of dollars for the penis enhancers.


Monday, February 14, 2005

My Valentine

Posted by Hello

This is my Valentine, Butchy Bear *she's on the right*, and I at Butchy's favorite place on the planet....Safeco Field. She's a Major League Mariner's fan...I do mean MAJOR!!

Butchy and I have been together for almost 4 years. It has been quite the roller coaster ride...similar to that big wooden one at Silverwood, just about as loud, too! We got "reacquainted" on July 4th, 2001. Starting on that day she began taking care of me. I was in the midst of ending an intensely abusive relationship with "monster man." Butchy rescued me. I was convinced that I would be leaving that relationship in a body bag.

Butchy was the essence of patient with me. She had been through a crappy relationship herself, so she could identify with my misery. She was the epitome of gentle and sensitive to me during my escape from the insanity that was my life. Inspite of myself I fell in love with her.

I didn't fight falling in love with her because of the "gay thing." I just didn't want to be in love with anyone. Vulnerability was not on my to do list! Monster man was verbally abusive as well, of course. His sickness became my own, I believed his perceptions of me were the truth. Which is so crazy to think about now, he was a pathological liar, why would I think that his views of me would be the truth? He wouldn't know the truth if it bounced up and bit him in the left nut. Butchy was getting constant warnings from me. Usually people are on their absolute best behavior at the beginning of a relationship.....not me! I thought she should know about all my kinks and foibles before we went any further. I don't have anything majorly wrong with me....I can be quite the mega-bitch when I'm irked. My self-esteem was rock bottom. Butchy patiently waded through all my sh** and lovingly brought me out into the light. She saved my life in so many ways.

We have been through hell this past year: lost a job, moved out of an area we love to our old hometown with all its extreme weather, difficulty in finding a new job, and then there's my health. As I've mentioned in a previous post: we thought my allergies were acting up, instead I was suffering from an extreme sinus infection that resulted in a ruptured ear drum. After 2 complete cycles of antibiotics and an injection, I'm still sick and now being referred to a specialist. Throughout this whole year of being sick Butchy has taken care of me and our fuzzy babies. There are days I can barely function, she takes up my slack. Of course, it's tiring for her and there are days when she's just not in the mood to be Wonder Woman.....but she does it. This is my clearest indicator of her love for me. Flowers and romantic gifts have little value for me....the way she takes care of me causes me to feel more loved and cherished than a woman that gets diamonds and all that foo-foo stuff.

My weight limits what I can do physically. I know that I'm a burden to Butchy, but she never causes me to feel like I am. That says a lot about her. She knows that when we are financially better off I will be on my Katkins diet. Whether I lose any weight, or not, I know that she loves me and will be there for me. She thinks I'm sexy.....even though I sure don't.

Because of her love I am a better person. I don't deserve all that she does for me, but I'm very thankful for her love. I look forward to the time when I can show her how much I love and appreciate her. For now, this declaration will have to do.

Butchy, I YOVE you and I 'DORE you!! Thank you for loving me through all my unloveliness.

Your Pryncess


Sunday, February 13, 2005


Posted by Hello

I have a size 32 issue with size 0...yes, that's a ZERO!!! What the heck is size zero? Wouldn't that be size NOTHING? And when a "size 0" loses weight, do they become a negative? "I've lost 2 lbs! I'm a size -3 now!" Puh-leeze!! It boggles my mind that there are skeletal women walking around that fit into size 0. After working for a crematorium I would say that I have seen true size 0's.....we called them cremains!

There's another size 0 that I take issue with, as well. Babies. They have clothes for sizes 0-3 months. Wouldn't size 0 be....well....conception? Or if you don't believe in life at conception then wouldn't size 0 be a fetus? My thought is that if they want to lump together the first 3 months than say 1 day - 3 months....that makes more sense to me than 0!

Valerie Harper had this to say about the topic:

"What fluke of genetics leads to a size zero? I tremble at the future possibilities. Size double zero. Size minus fifteen. Are we headed for a time when we'll be embarassed to say, "I'm a size 2."?"

I never have to worry about being a size 0....I'll be happy if I ever get down to a double-digit size that starts with a 1 (if ya don't wanna strain your brain I'm saying size 18-10). This would mean sacrificing my boobs, though. *Read previous post about Fat/Support*

Ok, I'm done with this spiel. I need chocolate.........


Friday, February 11, 2005

Ahh-nold's Bastard Love Child

Posted by Hello

I saw this pic of the Governator at his wedding and I got to thinking that he looked similar to another movie star. Then *POW* it hit me between the eyepeepers! Matt Damon!! Then I got to wondering if Matt is Ahh-nolds bastard love child?!?!?
Oh, don't go all prune-faced! Ahh-nold was one wild & crazy guy in prehistoric times. Stranger things have happened *ie: Lisa Marie Presley's marriage to Wacko Jacko.*
I'm sure there's a pic of Matt out there that looks very similar to this one of his deadbeat donor. The hunt begins......

Newly Improved Commercials

Let me just say right up front that I'm a flippin' genius! It's true, I am. Why I'm not working in the advertising field is beyond me. Maybe it's because I'm too good. More than likely it's because I've never applied for a job.
Countless times I have watched commercials and have found myself feeling disgusted. It is so obvious *to me anyway* that the commercial could be sooooo much better if they had only done such and such......ie: Blockbuster is running a campaign about their DVD by mail service. In one there is a husband saying he's gonna go and get a Blockbuster movie. He hops in his car and drives to his mailbox, which is at the end of his short driveway. That commercial would have been soooo much better if the guy had come into the room in sweats carrying barbells and he had made a comment about running to Blockbuster for a movie and then jogged to the end of his driveway. It would have been funny if he had gotten to the mailbox and was gasping and panting for air and after getting the DVD out of the mailbox walked slowly back up to the house. See??? Now that would be a great commercial!
This happens to me all the time.....commercials, TV shows, movies, books....the writers just don't think outside the box. I'm constantly coming up with better endings or a better use of the talent......bottom line is: I can make it all better!
Well, not all of it....that commercial that Anheuser Busch had during the Super Bowl where the GI's are walking through the airport and people stand and start clapping for them....that was perfection. When I see a commercial that is so perfect it gives me goose bumps on my goose bumps. That will tear me up faster than the subject matter!
Ok, I'm done patting myself on the back now. My arm is getting sore!
Oh, if only I can use my powers for good, rather than for evil!


Thursday, February 10, 2005

Giving up Lentils & Lint for Lent

Lent is upon us....I don't know all the petty details such as when it is, or really what it's all about. I do know that people give things up for Lent. I've been pondering what I would give up for Lent. I'm not sure why anything is given up, who it's given up to, or even who decides what is acceptable to be given up. Is there a Lent Inspector?
If people can give up whatever they want then there's a bunch of crap that I'm giving up: cocaine, crack, meth, heroin, beer, wine, liver, prostitution, men, my collection of shrunken testicles (heads are so last season!), migraines, earaches, my obsession with drag racing, and a veritable plethora of other things. As with New Year's resolutions, it's important to set yourself up for success. Therefore, I have given up things that will in no way be missed. In fact, the only things on that list that I actually have are migraines and earaches.....and I sure won't have a problem letting them go! So there ya go! I will be such a success at Lent that I will become an example used by Priests and Ministers all over the world. I'll be the Lent Queen! I better go work on my wave.....elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist, wrist..........can't wait to see how the tiara looks on me!

Cadaver Lips....dying for fuller lips, literally!

Posted by Hello

It's gross, but true. Cadaver tissue is used to increase the lip size of thin lipped women. To see other women that have followed in the footsteps of The Donald, as in Donald Duck...check out this site. For more gory details you can go here.

Princey takes a bride.....again

Posted by Hello
Princey and Cami are getting married in April. woo-frickin-hoo Who cares? Two old people that cheated on their exes are getting married....that just makes me sad. Why did Princey bother with all the folderol of marrying Lady when he knew his heart belonged to Cami? Was it all about the heirs? He did it all for the womb? Why not just hire a surrogate, rather than marrying her in a fairytale wedding that I *and billions of others* got caught up in??? I don't enjoy having my heart played with....I'm pretty sure Lady felt a zillion times worse about the whole thing! Wait a second!! Wasn't this a Springer episode?

Tabloids....truth or liar???

"Ellen Gets a Wedding Ring--but 'Trophy Wife' Is Driving Her Nuts":
The Globe says It couple Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi recently exchanged platinum promise rings--but that the couple may already be suffering from excess togetherness. Portia supposedly calls every five minutes on her cell phone and accuses Ellen of not devoting enough time to her. A friend of the talk-show host tells the mag, "Ellen made a no-actresses vow after her romance with Anne Heche, but she got swept away in the moment." She and de Rossi hooked up at an awards show in December. Now she may be regretting dating a dervish. "Ellen loves her, but says being with Portia is like wanting a drink of water and getting sprayed in the face with a firehose." Well, that's one way to make a big splash, but maybe not the way to make a relationship last.


Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Martha's Real Crime

Posted by Hello
Martha belongs in jail, as far as I'm concerned. I'm not interested in all her explanations and reasonings regarding the stocks fiasco. I have no opinions about all that legal shmegal stuff. All I know is that her bath towels SUCK!!! That's right! We were conned! Believing that we would be getting good quality for a little quantity of money we went the distance and bought her bath towels, hand towels and even washcloths.......THEY SUCK!! They have more pills than Walgreen's! After their first washing they looked like the upholstery on Lily & Tigger's scratching post....and the instructions say to wash them before using them!!! We were robbed! I'm just glad that she's paying the price, even though she may not know the whole story. The reason she thinks she's in jail, and the REAL reasons are neither here nor there.....I'm feeling avenged.

2 Blondes don't make a right!

Posted by Hello
I have a confession to make: I am very pissed with Ellen! You would have thought that her experience with Anne "Gay-for-a-Day" Heche would have taught her to avoid blonde actresses at all cost! But, alas, no......I guess she decided that she needed more drama/trauma and blonde hair dye in her life. She's giving lesbians a bad name...and no dyke is not a bad name! Lesbians are already dealing with the stereotype that we drive a U-Haul to our dates.....now we have Ellen and Portia "getting acquainted" in the backseat of a limo at a VH-1 awards show and next thing ya know they are not only booting their sig others outta their lives they are now wearing matching platinum bands! What's the rush? Are they needing to finish their To Do List before their roots grow out? Time is one thing they have a lot of....gay marriage isn't legal in California, yet.

When did relationships become so disposable? I'm feeling angst over the whole Ellen/Alex/Portia fiasco. I hope that Alex finds someone that will value her for the wonderful woman Ithink she is. I've never met her, but I'm sure that my being a very distant spectator gives me the "true scoop." Yeah, right.

My philosophy on relationships is that old business should be finished before new business is started. I think it's also Robert's Rules of Something or Other......I'm having a brain fart accompanied with a side of intelligence indigestion.

Ellen's Amex commercial is on.....if she could only see me glaring at her!

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