Things I think I know

Of Men & Women

• Women don't understand other women. We are convinced we do, but we really don't. Women are a mystery to us, as well. Unless, a woman is after your hunny, then we know EXACTLY what that woman has on her mind!
• Women marry for love and security, men marry for nurturing and sex.
• Women who kill their spouse are calculating. Men are emotional killers.
• If a man says he doesn't deserve you, he's right. He's feeling guilty about something. If a woman says it, she's fishing for a compliment.
• The correct answer to, "How do you like my (insert whatever she says here)?" Is always....let me repeat...ALWAYS, "How do YOU like it?" If you always answer that way then whether you like something or not, you are covered. Stress to her that what's most important is that she looks beautiful no matter what she does. This will ensure a long sexlife for you!
• When a man asks for your opinon on something he's wearing which is horrendous....tell him it makes his dick look small. It will be in the garbage faster than you can say oogly-boogly.
  
• Men are very simple: admire them, feed them & have sex with them and they will live happily ever after.
  
• Men love the action and strategy involved with sports, women want to know all about their personal lives. Tell your woman that the quarterback on the other team is leaving his wife and kids for his mistress and your woman will instantly become a fan for your team. She will cheer whenever the qb is sacked and will be very emotionally involved in the game.
• If your spouse became a mega-bitch or a prick after you married them, it could be that you have created the monster you're living with. Unless they are just a psychotic loon. But it's more likely that you have done something and you need to go apologize.
• Want your man to work around the house? Compliment him on what he has already done. Really build him up and he will then want to hear more about how wonderful he is. My newspaper guy NEVER delivered the newspaper to my apt. door until I complimented him and thanked him for doing it. From then on my paper was at my door every morning!
  
• Women communicate as if we're writing a novel. Men communicate in memo format. Just give them the bullet points. Of course, if the man is talking to another man about the fish he caught or the deer he killed then it's a frickin' miniseries!

I'm tired of being so analytical. I'm gonna go eat chocolate.