Monday, February 21, 2005

Diet shows make me hungry!

Yep, it's true, I guess it's reverse psychology. Watching Oprah today and seeing all those women that did overhauls on themselves....where's my Snickers? My ears hear the word "diet" and I'm hunting for something decadent! I love watching exercise shows, especially if I have popcorn & my snuggle to enhance the experience. Exercise shows are not an interactive show for me. I'm purely a spectator. "Wow! Look at that girl in the back twisting herself into a pretzel.....and she's smiling? Why isn't she turning blue? How can she breathe like that?" Then the steps come out....now that's some edge-of-your-seat entertainment! Up, down, up, down.....why they don't just take the escalator is beyond me! Looking at these skeletal women I can't help but think, "There's a very large number of desserts out there feeling unloved and neglected." It is my duty to pick up their slack. Therefore, I dedicate myself to the ingestion of all things ooey-gooey. I must do all I can to maintain the cosmic dessert balance. Yes, there really is a cosmic dessert balance. Don't bother arguing with me about this Miss Skinny Pants! Sit down, shut up and finish eating your rice cake! Now, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted: I must do all I can to maintain the cosmic dessert balance. All of the desserts that they neglect will no longer be left lonely and seeking love. This is a duty that I take very seriously. It is my vow that I will never be like those women on the Titanic that refused dessert. They ended up thin hungry corpses. I refuse to end up like that!!! As God is my witness, I will never be a thin chocolate starved corpse!

Look out, Reggie! After 12 weeks of Oprah's Boot Camp, Reggie lost a remarkable 30 pounds. Oprah was thrilled to tell her makeup artist that his blood pressure was now a fantastic 122 over 74.

Yeah, whatever, where's my chocolate stash?


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