Butchy and I have been together for almost 4 years. It has been quite the roller coaster ride...similar to that big wooden one at Silverwood, just about as loud, too! We got "reacquainted" on July 4th, 2001. Starting on that day she began taking care of me. I was in the midst of ending an intensely abusive relationship with "monster man." Butchy rescued me. I was convinced that I would be leaving that relationship in a body bag.
Butchy was the essence of patient with me. She had been through a crappy relationship herself, so she could identify with my misery. She was the epitome of gentle and sensitive to me during my escape from the insanity that was my life. Inspite of myself I fell in love with her.
I didn't fight falling in love with her because of the "gay thing." I just didn't want to be in love with anyone. Vulnerability was not on my to do list! Monster man was verbally abusive as well, of course. His sickness became my own, I believed his perceptions of me were the truth. Which is so crazy to think about now, he was a pathological liar, why would I think that his views of me would be the truth? He wouldn't know the truth if it bounced up and bit him in the left nut. Butchy was getting constant warnings from me. Usually people are on their absolute best behavior at the beginning of a relationship.....not me! I thought she should know about all my kinks and foibles before we went any further. I don't have anything majorly wrong with me....I can be quite the mega-bitch when I'm irked. My self-esteem was rock bottom. Butchy patiently waded through all my sh** and lovingly brought me out into the light. She saved my life in so many ways.
We have been through hell this past year: lost a job, moved out of an area we love to our old hometown with all its extreme weather, difficulty in finding a new job, and then there's my health. As I've mentioned in a previous post: we thought my allergies were acting up, instead I was suffering from an extreme sinus infection that resulted in a ruptured ear drum. After 2 complete cycles of antibiotics and an injection, I'm still sick and now being referred to a specialist. Throughout this whole year of being sick Butchy has taken care of me and our fuzzy babies. There are days I can barely function, she takes up my slack. Of course, it's tiring for her and there are days when she's just not in the mood to be Wonder Woman.....but she does it. This is my clearest indicator of her love for me. Flowers and romantic gifts have little value for me....the way she takes care of me causes me to feel more loved and cherished than a woman that gets diamonds and all that foo-foo stuff.
My weight limits what I can do physically. I know that I'm a burden to Butchy, but she never causes me to feel like I am. That says a lot about her. She knows that when we are financially better off I will be on my Katkins diet. Whether I lose any weight, or not, I know that she loves me and will be there for me. She thinks I'm sexy.....even though I sure don't.
Because of her love I am a better person. I don't deserve all that she does for me, but I'm very thankful for her love. I look forward to the time when I can show her how much I love and appreciate her. For now, this declaration will have to do.
Butchy, I YOVE you and I 'DORE you!! Thank you for loving me through all my unloveliness.