Thursday, June 30, 2005

Lysol Love-Quiz

I saw this on another blog and thought, "I've GOT to share that with my Bloggin' Buds! It's a must!!!"

Click on it to enlarge....hopefully it will be large enough for you to be able to read all the tiny print.

"Lysol" up close


A. Because she keeps her home immaculate, looks as preety as she can and really loves her husband, BUT she neglects that one essential...personal feminine hygiene.

Q. Is this really important to married happiness?

A. Wives often lose the precious air of romance, doctors say, for lack of the intimate daintiness ependent on effective douching. For this, look to reliable "Lysol" brand disinfectant.

Q. Is "Lysol" safe and gentle as well as effective?

A. Yes, the proved germicidal efficiency of "Lysol" requires only a small quantity in a proper solution to destroy germs and odors, give a fresh, clean, wholesome feeling, restore every woman's confidence in her power to please.

Q. How about homemade douching solutions, such as salt and soda?

A. They have no comparison with the scientific formula of "Lysol" which as proved efficiency in contact with organic matter.

ALWAYS USE "LYSOL" in the douche, to help give the assurance that comes with perfect grooming....confidence in "romance appeal."

Check these facts with your doctor

Many doctors recommend "Lysol," in the proper solution, for Feminine Hygiene, Non-caustic, gentle, "Lysol" is non-injurious to delicate membrane. Its clean, antispetic odor quickly disappears. Highly concentrated, "Lysol" is economical in solution. Follow easy directions for correct douching solution.
I considered adding my own comments to this ad....then realized, my comments wouldn't add a damn thing! This is hilarious all on its own! As I was typing it out, I realized it sounds like it was written by the same guy that writes the directions on the back of the chopsticks wrapper at our favorite Chinese restaurant. You know English can't be the copywriter's first language.

Missing Link?

I've gone through and updated my Bloggin' Buds links. They are now alphabetized....whoo hoo! Now that's some big news! The media will be alerted, of course. I've attempted to add the links of everyone who is a regular commenter....if I've missed you, please leave a comment letting me know. Linking to their blogs is the least I can do to thank them for taking the time to leave a comment on a regular basis....it also helps me visit their blogs on a regular basis. I wonder how many times I can say regular basis in a sentence on a regular basis? There's some fantabulous blogs on that list....your life will be seriously lacking if you don't check them out!


Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Tummy exiled, Al takes over

War has been declared. In the early morning hours Tummy's tyranny was brought to a stuffy end and a new dictator has usurped the throne that governs Kat's body. Aller Gies is more evil than Tummy could have ever been. Moving her Army of Phlegm into position in Kat's head and the back of her throat, Aller has made her tyrannical presence known. She is currently attempting to cut off communication, all incoming messages are filtered to the point of nonexistance. That's right, the ears are plugged. Zyrtec-D has been notified of this occupation and is rallying to keep Aller Gies' from getting too comfortable. Updates will be given as this War on Kat continues.
This is Brian Brainy reporting live for KATSX. Good Night.


Tuesday, June 28, 2005

A Peeve, NOT the petting kind!

Tummy be damned....I have something in my head that just has to come out. N O W!

So, it's like this: Butchy and I have some great friends, C & W. We love hanging out with them. We tend to have a hard time ending our visits. We absolutely adore those guys!

Now you're wondering what this post is about, right? There's one little niggling thing that drives me crazier than I already am. C has this "thing" when you're talking to him he tries to say the exact same thing that you're saying AS YOU'RE SAYING IT!?! It's like the last 2-3 words of your sentence....EVERY sentence! I'm sooo tempted to totally change what I'm planning on saying right at the last second, "So, my Dad is hanging from the stirrups, upside down & he starts to....do the can-can!" Echo that, Parrot Boy!

How does someone come up with a habit like that? Did he take the, "What I hear you saying is...." to the extreme and figure he'd cut out the question and just finish all your sentences....as you're attempting to finish them yourself? There are certain things in life I insist on finishing by myself...the paperwork after going potty, my chocolate, I'm sure there's a lot more things.....oh! can't forget this one: & ANY SENTENCE THAT I START!! Is this too much to ask?

We're Adjourned

Numerous thunkers joined together and assisted me with my pondering. I'm not gonna pursue the freelance position with MS. They're nuts requiring someone to write 5-10 posts A DAY!! That's just craziness! The letter didn't specify how many days a week....so, you have to assume that it would be 7 days a week....that's 35-70 posts A WEEK!!!! That's insane. Be sure to take a moment and read all the words of wisdom I was presented with on that post....I have the bestest commenters!!

Well, that's it for my big post today. I'm in a losing battle with a headache & a tummy bug. The Tummy has made it perfectly clear to me that it is now dictating what I eat, whether I like it or not. There will be no "mmmm corndogs sounds good." Nope, that's the ears and the spit glands making the decision.....Tummy is a dictator. It says to me, with a facetious tone, "Go ahead, eat those cordogs. But, you WILL pay!!! hahahahahahahaha" As Tummy's evil laughter fades into the distance I realize I am now powerless against an evil wicked maniacal ruler. He rules with pain and gagging....they are pretty effective henchmen!

As far as my headache goes, I'm pretty sure it's a rebelling faction doing it's part to fight Tummy's tyranny. Or it's allergies, I think the faction sounds like a lot more fun!


Monday, June 27, 2005

Something I'm Pondering....

This was pointed out to me on someone's blog recently:
Openings in Online Media
Company: Microsoft
Position: Bloggers Wanted
Location: Redmond, Telecommute


Blog for MSN! MSN is hiring freelance contributing editors to moderate, write and produce blogs in five topic areas: television, music, technology, sports and fashion//food//style. Contributing editors will be responsible for:

* Writing and producing five-10 daily posts for their blog, drawing material from user submissions, the MSN network and the wider Web *Reviewing user e-mail submissions and turning the best of them into posts on the blog *Monitoring blog comments and feedback

You must be passionate about your subject area; familiar with the tools and trends in blogging; a natural writer with an inviting, engaging style; and attuned to the broad interests of MSN's huge audience. Send us five sample posts written over the course of a single day. In addition to the posts (which should reflect a variety of source links), in a paragraph or so, explain why you selected those items and how they reflect your vision for this project. Please include a list of sites you scanned to find your material and other favorite sites and blogs. Attach a resume or short note to tell us what you're doing now and what you've done in the recent past. And finally, in the subject heading of the mail specify which blog you're applying for.
Initially I thought it was a scam. So, I went to the source. I sent MS an email and asked if it was for real. Today I received a response that it is for real! So......now' I'm pondering whether or not I want to do it. I can't imagine writing 5-10 posts A DAY!! The only topic I could really write about would be tv....unless they want someone who is clueless to write about the other topics....I don't see that being the case...even if it would be pretty entertaining!

What do y'all think? Am I "a natural writer with an inviting, engaging style?"


Saturday, June 25, 2005

I Am the Champion!!!! Snort!

I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won!!!!

YAY MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! I am the champion OF THE WORLD!!! I know...it's not of the whole world....just the snorting world....or.....whatever. Quit pissin' on my parade and do the Happy Fat Kat Dance with me! Now shake that chubby bubby butt!

I wasn't able to attend the star-studded ceremony due to not being invited....but, I'm sure that ALL the big names were there singing my praises. Except for Tom Cruise, he's just icky now.

I'll keep my acceptance speech short:
I'd like to thank all the little....uhmmmm.....kitten asses & penis-slaves?! That made this award more than just a dream for me. It's now my reality. All those kitten farts and gasping-fish-peenies were worth it. It is my honor to accept the Queen of Ass Snort Award. As the winner, I will do my best to uphold my duties. Now, where's my f'n tiara & sash???
Here's my wonderful, expensive,
and gold-plated award:


Friday, June 24, 2005

Crock*Pot Pot Roast

I'm so excited I could explode! I'm loving this new feature on Blogger. Not having to use Hello/Picasa anymore to upload pics will save me oodles of time. Not that I'm really short on time, but more time to eat chocolate and come up with quirky posts...I'm all for that!

Yesterday I made a pot roast in my Crock*Pot. I'm more used to whipping up pot roast and all the fixin's in my pressure cooker....with that in storage I was left to the ol' Crock*Pot. I was curious to see if there would be a noticeable difference in flavor between the 2.

After 10 hours on low the roast was close to falling apart and the veggies were still very firm....firm, as in uncooked. So, the meat stayed in the C*P and the veggies headed for the microwave. The 'tatoes went in first for 15 mins...the carrots followed shortly with about the same amount of time.

We made up a plate of meat scraps for BB....kept him out of our plates! We don't feed our babies "people food." But, after spending the day smelling the pot roast BB was ready to climb the walls. We put his dinner on his plate that we use for his wet food.....maybe he'll learn the difference between his plate and Mama's.

Dinner was a success! I was surprised that I didn't notice ANY difference between the C*P and the pressure cooker, as far as flavor goes. As for time....I'm sticking with my pressure cooker! 2 hrs with everything cooked, tender and beyond delicious vs 10 hours and then additional cooking times in the microwave.

Butchy doesn't agree with me. She said the flavors were "richer" with the C*P roast. It's been awhile since I've made a pressure cooker roast, she said her memory may not be that fresh. When we get our stuff out of storage I'll have to do a C*P/PC cook off.


Thursday, June 23, 2005

Missing Michael

Michael & Tracy

Occasionally over the course of the last few months I've found myself wondering how Michael J. Fox is doing. He seems like a friend I grew up with and haven't seen in ages. He irritated the heck out of me as Alex P. Keaton....that is until his future wife, Tracy Pollan, joined the show as Ellen and brought out Alex's soft gentle side. I fell in love with them to the tune of Billy Vera & the Beater's At This Moment.

I have enjoyed pretty much every show & movie that Michael has starred in. His roles have caused me to laugh and cry. I'm so sorry for him and his family that they are having to deal with the tragedy of Parkinson's. My heart goes out to him & his loved ones. My heart goes out to all of us who are being robbed of his wonderful talent. At this moment, I pray that he's happy, at peace & surrounded by love & laughter.


Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Having my cake and eating it ALL

Those who visit me regularly....or even just once a month...knows that I have a "thing" for cake. I don't think that I've ever specified the kind of cake....chocolate, of course....but, I don't like just any cake. I'm extremely picky about my cake obsession.

Frosting is one of my least favorite cake toppings on the planet....so, my absolute favorite cake has just a little frosting drizzled across the top with some yummy chocolate shavings scattered atop the drizzles. So that you could enjoy my obsession along with me I've taken a picture of the BESTEST cake on the planet! It's the Triple Chocolate "Oh My God, I think I've died and gone to Heaven!" Creme cake from Wal*Mart. (the quote is mine...but, I'm sure you knew that.)

Baked Orgasm


Tuesday, June 21, 2005

My day in pictures

Yesterday I had this brilliant idea that I would take our camera with us as we headed out to dinner and then to do some major grocery shopping at W*M. I figured that to be a good blogger I needed to start documenting my life in film. God, my life is boring. Sorry. But, you still have to see the pics I took. (there are some new baby pics on Pryncess' Babies!)
Our first stop, KFC....Love their buffet!
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Butchy with some finger lickin' chicken.
I wonder why they don't use that line anymore?

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This is Kim...she's our favorite chicky chick.
She never charges us for the drinks we get with our buffet!
Woo Hoo!!!

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Here's the absolute
BESTEST cashier at W*M!!
We had some trouble with our
debit card...Georgia was so patient with us as we
ran back and forth to the phone to figure out the problem.
(we ended up using up our cash....in case you were worried)
The people behind us in line were pretty cool, too. I didn't
get their pics. They simply reloaded their cart and went
over to a different line. No huge glares or nastiness.

So that was the extent of our day yesterday. See, it wasn't too painful! Great, now I have a craving for KFC chicken....too bad they're not open 24 hrs!


Monday, June 20, 2005

Kitten Ass vs Penises (or penes if you're a dork)

Kittens are very focused on having their butts admired. Y'all know what I'm talking about....you have a kitten climbing all over you, more often than not, their butt is right there smack dab in your face.
"Love my butt! Smell my butt! Worship my butt! Wanna closer look?"
The little fuzzy darlings are all about their stinky butts. You may be lucky and get a few cute little head-rubbies....but, after that it's all kitten ass.

Staring into BB's ass...for the gazillionth time....I realized that it was reminding me of something. Something from my distant past.....niggling at the corners of my mind....there on the tip of my conehead....then like a warningless kitten fart (where's a foghorn when you need it?), it hit me!

In another lifetime I lived with a penis-owner. Or, to be more exact...I lived with a penis-slave. We often refer to these poor penis-submissive beings as men. The one I was with didn't quite reach manhood in the maturity department. He was 28 going on 10....that's in "man years"...in "woman years" that would be 28 going on 4. The "penis" still wet the bed for rubber sheet's sake! (alcoholics have all the fun)

So, what does kitten ass and penises have in common? They are both in your face...a lot! (if the penis-slave has his way) Think about it....men love to show off their teeny-peenies.
"Love my penis! Kiss my penis! Worship my penis! Wanna closer look?"
It's kind of cute in a kitten...but, in a man? I'm thinking, "not so much!" And what is it with that helicopter move they do?!?!? Are they really thinking that it's a turn-on for us to watch that thing flipping around like a fish out of water? Puhhhh...leeeeeze!

No wonder I'm gay.


Saturday, June 18, 2005


Beginning today I'm using Haloscan for my comments. This post is a test, as well as a notification. Because of the switch all of the comments have been wiped out...but, don't worry...I have them all in my gmail inbox! All of my comments are sent to my gmail account...I hope this is still the case now that I'm on Haloscan!

Inner Hours

There's a new post on my Reading, Writing & Ruminations page. I realized that it's there that I express my serious side. It's early o'clock in the morning and time for me to head to bed.

Hugs to all those that take the time to not only read my quirky and serious posts, but to also comment. Your time is valuable to me and I hope that each one of you know that I am honored that you have spent some of your time with me today. Thank you.


Friday, June 17, 2005

Bored With the Old, In With the Cute

Initially when I set out looking for a new look for my blog I wanted something serious and quirky all mixed together. I love Juno's new header....I think it's her fault I started becoming bored with my look. Her header is so classic and adult.....at first I was thinking I wanted something like that. But, after a reality check I realized this blog isn't about anything classic or being an adult....much to some bloggers' chagrin. This blog is about me.

When I began my blog its purpose was to release some of the pressure in my brain from all my held back thoughts & comments on life. This blog is my brain fart. My memory started going to pot and I figured I needed to make room. I was mentally impacted. My mind gets to ruminating on some off-the-wall topic and there's no room for remembering anything else. Therefore, I must blog!

As far as my look goes.....quirky may cover it....serious sure doesn't! I guess I'll have to leave the serious part for my posts.....let's see, I can do serious? Can't I? Maybe not.....even my serious side is quirky. I'm just seriously quirky! Ok, I can live with that. Like I really have a choice.

There's something that's been bothering me everytime I blog.....I use way too many exclamation points. See...I just used one there. You don't actually get to see it cuz I went back and changed it to a period. I do that A LOT!

To all those folks coming in from BlogExplosion to find out what is so great about my blog that makes it worthy of being #1 on the Top 50...if you figure it out let me know! If you only came in here to tear my blog to pieces....don't waste your time. My blog was not put on this planet to please everyone. Actually, it was only created to please me. The fact that I have come across some incredible people who actually enjoy visiting me is just a wonderful bonus in my life. If you are a braindead loser & choose to tear me apart anyway, I'll sic Butchy, Kimmy, Queenie & Burfica on your ass! They're tough, they can take you down. Yes, I could just take you down myself...but, see...I don't want to hog all the fun!


Thursday, June 16, 2005

My Work

I've been playing a lot with templates lately. Learning lots of interesting tidbits about html and the fine art of not pulling too much hair out at one time. It's been a painful, but rewarding process. I still have a lot of hair left in case I'm asked to do another project.

Instead of posting pics, you can go and see my work up close and personal-like. Other than the pages I've done for myself: Reading, Writing & Ruminations........... Pryncess' Babies

I've also completed: Butchy's Page.......La Femme and last night, Tony's

I'm sure Tony would love to hear what you think....he designed the header himself.

That's what I've been up to....templating, reaching the #1 spot on BlogExplosion's Top 50 and dealing with an icky sicky tummy. How about you?

I'm starting to notice that people are updating less, or just have less to say. I'm thinking we're all starting to get Summer Fever. Well...obviously I'm not....I always have too much to say and noone interested in hearing it. Good thing I talk to myself! Now, if only I can get myself to actually pay attention.........


Tuesday, June 14, 2005

I'm an artist!!

Last night I was called an artist. I was called this in reference to the work I've done on Butchy's page and on the page I'm doing now for my new friend Tony. It crax'd me up.....only cuz I've never been able to draw a straight line to my satisfaction! But, thanks to the wonder that is computer graphics, etc...I'm now an artist. What is so cool about this is that I come from a family of artists. The kind that can actually draw, paint, etc. My Uncle was so good he actually sold lots of his paintings. My little brother is an amazing artist...his artwork brought big bucks to a very worthy cause in an auction. My Mom is an artist, as well. My Dad and I were not blessed with being able to draw anything recognizable. Sure, if folks wanted abstract to the nth degree....we'd be able to fill their order. My Dad would anyway....I'm too anal. If it doesn't look like I want it to look.....to the trash it goes.

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My brother's masterpiece
He created this in honor of a school friend of his that died
due to a brain aneurysm during a High School football game
The auction was held to pay for Chad's medical & funeral expenses

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One of my Uncle's works

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My Mom's prizewinning creation
She designed this from scratch, no patterns whatsoever
She won 1st place at the county fair
YAY!! Mom!!


Monday, June 13, 2005


Michael Jackson is guilty! Guilty of being a freakazoid. For that there is NO CURE!

I was leaving a comment on a BChessman's blog and came up with a great line that everyone should begin using AT ONCE...."That makes about as much sense as Michael Jackson in a Titty Bar!" Isn't that a great line?!?! You know it is! Now spread it across the nation.

There are some new pics on Pryncess' Babies. Just in case you need your daily dose of adorability.

Tomorrow I'm going to apply for a "real job." This should prove interesting. I'll keep y'all updated.


Saturday, June 11, 2005

Such a busy day!

This being the weekend none of my Bloggin' Buds can come out to Blogland to play with me. There aren't any new posts to read.....so what's a girl to do? I've been playing all by myself! No, not WITH myself...just BY myself. Which is perfect nonsense, if ya really think about it! Not wanting to think aobut it, I'll just tell ya what I've been up to!

1. Created a photo blog for my adorably adorable babies! There's even a new link to the page in my sidebar. I have a post below all about it with a cool banner...that's right! I made a banner, too....so I could show off the new page. I'm feeling awfully proud of my header....you'll have to let me know what you think.

2. Made up a whole new template for Butchy's blog...it ROCKS!!! You'll have to pay her a visit and let her know what you think of her new digs.

3. Taken oodles and oodles of pictures of our babies....I really wish I had thought to get a pic of the ooey-gooey slug last night.

4. Updated my 100 Things...and added a new template and header!

5. Gave Tibby a "spritz."

6. I'm just gonna start making shit up now so that it looks like I've done more than I have.

7. Learned how to speak pig latin, in case I meet a Latin Pig.

8. Actually, as I'm sure y'all are aware...it takes hella time to make a new customized template! I made 6 headers for my Baby blog until I had the one I loved the most.

9. Screw this...I'm gonna go eat cake.

All About the Babies

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Baby Pics

I won't be boring anyone with any more pics of our babies on this page....
I now have a page dedicated to ONLY pics of our babies!!!

Ewwww...gag...dry heave....thanks, I think.

Our Tiggy Boy sure loves his Mama! Now that my stomach has calmed down I can tell you about the "gift" he wanted me to enjoy, as much as he did. Man, I wish I had remembered we have our digital camera....a picture would be worth a zillion ewwww's and gags. Laying on my side of the bed...about where my ass usually is on a nightly basis....a slug. That's right, one of those slimey, ewwyy, gooey, if-I-don't-stop-now-I'm-gonna-dry-heave-again SLUG!!! He must have snagged it from under the window screen and knew that it would be perfect gift for his Mama. How do you say thanks to such a thoughtful gift?

My hero, Butchy, after refusing the paper towels I was trying to hand her in the midst of breaking a rib dry heaving.....bundled up the slug-slimed sheets and snuggle (a blanket I made) and headed for the bathroom. We didn't salt the slug....like all good Inland Northwesterners know to do....nope, she just flushed the turd. I mean, the slug. The sheets are sanitizing in the washing machine.

I must be the most loved kitty-Mama ever. I'm sure when the nausea wears off I'll be able to feel the love...just as long as it's not slimey I should be ok.

Abstaining from Restraint

I've come to realize that restraint is for people with ugly kids, juvenile delinquents or crazies....since none of those categories fit me....I spit in restraints eye! Patoooie!

Here's some more pics of the cutest Baby Boy on the planet. No, this won't become one of those annoying kitten/babies/cute 'n' cuddly blogs....blech! Just shut up and ooh and ahh over my kitten and we'll go back to being quirky in the very near future. Promise.

His favorite place to be,
on Mama's ample chest
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Don't hold me back!
I've got places to be &
danglies to attack!
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Die camera strap, DIE!!
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Pics as promised

I won't bore you with an over abundance of pics...even though I so easily could! I've decided to practice restraint...they say practice makes perfect. Not that I really want to be perfect at restraint, now perfect at restraining.......well, that's a whole different kind of blog!

Here's the newest member
of our family:

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Our go-jus blue-eyed Baby Boy

Here's our miracle bird:

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Tibby, aka: God's Sparrow or
Tibby the Headbanger.
I will get a better pic tomorrow,
the lighting in our room sucks.


Friday, June 10, 2005

Tagged, Bagged, Nagged

I've been tagged by one of my favorite people in Blogland, Queenie. She will remain one of my favorite people, inspite of this....simply because she kicks ass and gives others all the necessary info so they can, too! Rock on, Sister-Queenie-Friend!

I'm just not in the mood to follow all the rules that accompany this tag....not today. Maybe the day after the day after the week after tomorrow....maybe. For now I'm just gonna give the first thought that came to mind when I read the meme-thingy:
Five Things I Miss From My Childhood:

1. Being able walk from one end of the block to the other without stopping to clutch my chest with one hand and my lower back with the other all while breathing like a hippo in heat.

2. Roots? Something on trees...nothing to do with hair. Grey roots showing? What's that?

3. Wearing a bathing suit 24 hours a day and not caring what anyone else thinks.

4. Riding my bike without all the safety gear kids have to wear today....when I fell off my bike I had some really cool scratches, cuts and bruises.

5. Playing house with other little girls and "making out with them" cuz they were the "Daddy."

If you wanna see all the rules I didn't follow....check out Queenie's blog. I'm just not in a rules-following mood right now.


Thursday, June 09, 2005

Comforting the Grieving

I've included on my Reading, Writing & Ruminations page an essay about what to say and what not to say to someone who is grieving over the loss of a child. It's so difficult to know what to say to someone who has experienced such a devastating loss. My point in posting this essay was to help make a difficult situation a little less awkward.

And now a brief pause for some silliness!

I love silliness....when it comes from unexpected people and at unexpected times it is the absolute bestest! When you're trying to be serious and someone else is in silly-mode...it's not so great then. But, I'm usually the silly one....so it doesn't bother me too often! I firmly believe that moments of silliness will prolong my life and keep me from getting my head stuck up my ass. Both are very important to me! So, to Live Long and Silly.....here's a great way to add some silliness into your life! Please leave a comment with your new silly name....we'll laugh together!

Follow the instructions to find your new name.

The following is an excerpt from a children's book, "Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey.

The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names......

Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:

a = poopsie; b = lumpy; c = buttercup; d = gadget; e = crusty; f = greasy; g = fluffy; h = cheeseball; i = chim-chim; j = stinky; k = flunky; l = bootie; m = pinky; n = zippy; o = goober; p = doofus; q = slimy; r = loopy; s = snotty; t = tootie; u = dorkey; v = squeezit; w = oprah; x = skipper; y = dinky; z = zsa-zsa.

Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

a = apple; b = toilet; c = giggle; d = burger; e = girdle; f = barf; g = lizard; h = waffle; i = cootie; j = monkey; k = potty; l = liver; m = banana; n = rhino; o = bubble; p = hamster; q = toad; r = gizzard; s = pizza; t = gerbil; u = chicken; v = pickle; w = chuckle; x = tofu; y = gorilla; z = stinker;

Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:

a = head; b = mouth; c = face; d = nose; e = tush; f = breath; g = pants; h = shorts; i = lips; j = honker; k = butt; l = brain; m = tushie; n = biscuits; o = hiney; p = chunks; q = toes; r = buns; s = fanny; t = sniffer; u = sprinkles; v = kisser; w = squirt; x = humperdinck; y = brains; z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is:

Goober Chickenshorts.

On behalf of Tootie Girdle Sniffer...this now concludes our moment of silliness. Your boring lives, already in progress, will resume shortly.

BS is right!

Blog Soldiers (BS) is pissing me off! I'm a surfing fool....I surf BE, BC, BX & BS. I'm a credits whore...it's all good. EXCEPT for when I surf BS! I even sent the guy an email complaining about this issue I have with them. Since his reply was basically BS I'm now venting where all good bloggers go to vent!

Unfortunately when I'm in surf-mode I come across a lot of blogs that I actually stop and read....now this is what is s'posed to happen while surfing, right? Well, not if you're surfing through BS it's not! You are s'posed to surf and ONLY surf! If you should stop and spend time reading....bam! ya gotta log back in to BS! I'm a pretty fast reader...but, if I spend any amount of time reading a blog I have to log back in! This gets pretty frustrating! I mean it's frustrating enough that there are all these interesting blogs hindering my surfing, anyway! Then add logging in to the mix.....GRRRRRRRR The dude from BS basically told me to just open the site in a new window....now that's all easy to do..but, then I'm not really able to focus on the site if I have to keep surfing while trying to read someone's deepest thoughts and feelings! This is all crap! I'm feeling cranky, can you tell?


Christine (my possessed computer) needs a new video card. That's my very unprofessional diagnosis of Christine's latest symptoms...either that or she's mentally ill and requires some major drugs. Heck, maybe I'll just take the drugs and not care what Christine's problem is!

Anyway, here's where I need help.....the specs for my video card are as follows:
NVIDIA RIVA TNT2 Model 64/Model 64 Pro (Microsoft Corporation) [Display adapter]

I know this thanks to the wonders of Belarc....If y'all don't have belarc....you MUST get it! It's free and it gives you a complete profile of your computer so that if something goes haywaire...you have your specs. It's a MUST, people!!!

So, lucky me knows what my current video card is....that helps with replacing it...but with installing the new one? That's a whole new story! Is it something that a person can install themselves? Or, does this require someone with a doctorate in VCI (video card installation)?

Until I get this all figured out I'm stuck with this crappy piece of crappy crap monitor. I found this on Overstock.com (a wonderful place to go to get computer stuff and other stuff, too.....you can never have too much stuff!) Their commercials are stupid...but their stuff is pretty good. I got a hard drive from there.....the price was incredible and it was everything they promised it would be. It didn't take long at all to get it either! Butchy installed my hard drive....wonder if she can do a video card?

Guess that's all I need help with....can a person who is capable of installing a hard drive install a video card?


Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Pryncess Idiot Reads the Fine Print

When I've made an error I'm the first to claim it....especially when it makes me look a little less idiotic! So here's the deal: Bausch & Lomb are idiots. On the box of their Soothing Eye Wash they have placed under Active Ingredients: Purified Water. There aren't any other ingredients listed on the box.....therefore I thought I was the gullible-est idiot on the planet and had spent $4 for 4ozs of purified water.....you remember the rant, it was the one right before this post.

So....I get bored and I start reading the bottle...all the teeny tiny print that I can only read with my glasses off and the lighting just right. Let me give you the list of expensive "contents"....that's what B & L call their ingredients.....here goes:
A sterile, buffered, isotonic aqueous solution that contains purified water,
boric acid (does that sound soothing to you??? Boric ACID???),
sodium borate and sodum chloride;
preserved with sorbic acid (MORE ACID???) and edetate disodium.
Here's my new issue with this SOOTHING eye shit......acid and sodium??? We'll first burn your eye with acid and then for shits and giggles we'll toss some salt in your eye?? I'm not off base that sodium is basically salt in some form and acid...well, acid is something we've all been taught to avoid, unless it's in our favorite soft drink, right? To someone somewhere it was a brilliant idea to put acid and sodium in an eye wash and call it soothing??? What's weirder than weird is that last night my eyes were dry and a little burny so I borrowed some of Baby Boy's eye wash and guess what? It was soothing!! How weird is that? We live in a very strange world.


Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Evian for Eyes

Baby Boy, our new kitten, has a little eye problem. The vet said kittens are prone to having this problem when they get stressed. It must be pretty stressful being a kitten...playing, peeing, pooping & sleeping...where do you fit the stress into your busy schedule?

Before we go to some type of eye antibiotic the vet suggested we go to the pharmacy and get eye wash. So, being the good Mama that I am, I headed over to W*M's pharmacy and purchased 4 fl ozs of Bausch & Lomb's Soothing Eye Wash for just around $4. Nothing's too good for our baby! Except for one little 4 oz thing.....do you know what Soothing Eye Wash is??? Huh??? Do you???? Well....let me clue you in....it's PURIFIED WATER!!! That's right!!! PURIFIED WATER!!! No added soothers...medicinal stuff...nothing...just PURIFIED WATER!!! Thaz it! I could have bought almost 4 flippin GALLONS of the stuff for the same amount I spent on 4 whole ounces! Sure the PURIFIED WATER is in a little squirt bottle with a narrow tip....but, I could have bought the bottle for less than $1 and then a whole gallon of PURIFIED WATER for what? $.58? Since the cent sign no longer exists...that's 58 CENTS!!!

In summary....almost $1 an ounce for the B & L Soothing Eye Wash....soothing my ass! It's WATER!!! Or....I could have spent less than $2 for a whole gallon of "soothing eye wash" aka: PURIFIED WATER...and have a reusable bottle! I can't get the lid off the B & L narrow-tipped bottle. Yes, our beautiful Baby Boy has an idiot for a Mama.


Monday, June 06, 2005

Anal Douche & Kitten Farts

I can't figure out what is more hilarious...the product or the reviews? Let's just say both and call it a day.

If you aren't into butt humor....don't go to this link: Butt Douche It's actually Anal Douche..but I hate the word anal! If you decide to take the risk and see this item on Amazon.com...yes, it's a real item!....don't miss reading the reviews!

In case you ever had the chance to wonder: kitten farts are the absolute worst farts EVER!!! Especially when the cute little fart-machine is laying on your chest!

Crumb Catcher in 4 easy payments....

In the course of responding to all the wonderful comments, I arrived at JJ's blog. JJ is an evil evil person. The first post I saw was about.....if you are like me and can't stop a craving once it's begun, I suggest you stop reading RIGHT NOW!!!.....the first post was about CAKE!!! Yes, CAKE!!! He (it may be a she...I don't know, yet) even had a picture of CAKE!! The cake was made to look like a hamburger for some unknown crazy reason...but, it was still obviously a CAKE!! What was I to do? I was helpless....I...had....to....eat.... CAKE!!! Luckily, I had some on-hand. Good thing, too! Butchy's kind of cranky today and my needing CAKE and her crankiness would NOT be a good mix.

So...I'm eating cake....the craving is calmed down now, so there's no need for dramatics any more......so...eating cake....I start thinking that they don't make TV trays tall enough...I'm getting cake crumbs all over my chest. Then I wonder....how tall should the TV tray be? It kept getting taller and taller until I realized that what I need is a chin tray. That's right, a tray that will attach to my chin...right under my mouth. It would only need to be a ledge basically...not a whole flippin' tray. Just a little crumb catcher that I could strap onto my chin.....I better go and call Ron Popeil...I'm sure he'll want to get a jump on getting this thing patented! We could sell it for just 4 easy payments of $19.95!

So many thunks, so little attention-span

My mind is racing at the speed of a humming bird today....I can't keep up with myself! I'll try to relate the thoughts in a clear concise manner......who am I kidding?...that ain't ever happened before and it ain't gonna now! Can you tell I'm in an "ain't" kind of mood? AIN'T, AIN'T, A I N ' T!!!!!

1. I'm back on the old crappy monitor from hell. My computer (aka: Christine...I'm positive she was made out of recycled old car parts from that horror film!) and this crappy piece of crap monitor have bonded and now when I attempt to introduce Christine to any other monitor she'll work with it for a short while....then poof!...Christine kicks it to the curb. Christine is only in the mood for quickies! I'm thinking Christine's video card may need to be replaced.....or,.........Christine is possessed by a whore from the pits of hell and the legions of hell are set on frustrating me to an early grave. It's got to be one or the other. Our basement is resembling a monitor graveyard. I know my last monitor still works.....just not with Christine! YARGH!!! (that awesome expression is courtesy of Butchy!)

2. I have a new love in my life! It's a boy! I know, and here y'all thought I was gay. Sorry, Mom and Dad, I'm still gay. My little boy weighs a whole 2.1 lbs...has gorgeous blue eyes...and talks more than anyone else in this family. He answers to the name Baby Boy.....or any other name, word, grunt, sneeze, cough, etc.....he's not picky. He has huge paws and huge Dumbo ears that we know he'll be growing into. Baby Boy has already established domination over Tiggy....he's still working on LilyKid. Our room looks like a kitty toy box....it's all about the kits! When we get our digital camera back, you will be assaulted with Baby Boy pics...aren't you giddy with anticipation?

3. Wouldn't it be cool if life was more like a computer? Get introduced to someone and over time discover ya don't like 'em? Uninstall! Someone talks crap to ya? Ignore! Make an error/mistake/oopsie? Delete! Something not working right? Rewrite the html! Hating the direction your life is going in? Buy a whole new unit! Yeah, that would be cool.....

4. Don't ya just hate it when you're having a conversation with your hunny and they misunderstand what you're saying to them....and when initially you were trying to make them feel better about something....because they got pissy at you due to the misunderstanding.....you don't clarify what you were saying cuz now you don't want them to feel better cuz now they've pissed you off??? I hate that!!

5. After posting Loquacious Curmudgeon's post on my Reading, Writing & Ruminations page I got to looking at the page and didn't like what I saw. So....I created a new template for it! ME!! I did it! I'm pretty impressed with my fine self. It's very readee, writey & ruminatey looking.

6. I'm cold, hungry, and cranky.....I'm having a "I wanna be Mommy'd" day! Sucks that I'm 38 years old and the only Mommy around here is me! (no...we don't have skin-kids, just fuzzy-kits....doesn't make me any less a Mommy!)

7. Tantrum is over.....time to put on something warm, make something to eat & take a chill-pill. Darn it!


Sunday, June 05, 2005

Ode to Lu

Like my new look? I absolutely ADORE it!! My blog is the best looking blog on the block...don't bother arguing with me about this....I'm not conceited, I'm convinced! The only reason I can brag like this is 'cuz I didn't do it. All the blame belongs to Lu. She's a blog-master! Wait! That would b.m.....that won't work! I got it...she's Master-Blogger Artiste.....M.B.A......that'll do, Donkey, that'll do. (for those that aren't as hip as I am....that's a quote from Shrek)

I'm so happy with my new look....I've been preening all day. I can't thank Lu enough for all the time and effort she put into the new "me." Help me out and leave comments about the wonderful job she did.....I'll make sure she sees every single one of 'em!

It's happy-fat-Kat-dance time! Break it down......

Guest Blogger on Reading, Writing & Ruminations

When I read something I really like, I include it on my Reading, Writing & Ruminations page. It saves this page from getting too long and wordy. It hasn't been that long since I created that page and today is my first Guest Blogger. The Loquacious Curmudgeon has an essay/response that I thought was excellent. So....if you're interested it's here. It's titled: Gay Marriage - For the Umpteenth Time, People!


Saturday, June 04, 2005


I've spent a large amount of time today reading the blogs of everyone who comments on mine......I had some catching up to do, not like I get an over abundance of comments. The comments I do get, I truly appreciate and enjoy...truly. Well, unless you're mean then I truly enjoy deleting your comment...truly.

Reading other blogs tends to jog a lot of memories for me....from now on I'll be referring to this phenomenon as a blog-jog. (It is now impossible for me to hear the word phenomenon and not think of the Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper commercial....menamana...doot doot doo doo doo....phenomenon...doot doot doo doo doot)

Juno is now one of my favorite bloggers.....she has a sense of humor very similar to mine, consider yourself warned. Today's blog-jog.....feel free to use my new term, I'm not selfish.....anyway....blog-jog...today....Juno posted about a conversation she had with her husband. Something about her changing her first name to an Indian name. By Indian she didn't mean the country of India....just the word we used to use for Native Americans and I still use it, cuz I'm old, cranky and don't care. I still use queer, fag & homo, too....especially when talking about myself or some of my favorite fags, queers &/or homos! The point to all this? Yes, actually there is a point. It blog-jogged a memory of a conversation I had with my Mom many moons ago. (did ya get the Indian phraseology? I know...I'm good!)

In the middle of the night I made the mistake of getting up to go potty. My Mom....who makes a regular habit of getting up to go potty at ungodly hours and then has the incredibly bad habit of not going back to bed....heard me moving around and when I left the potty she followed me back to my room. We snuggled down into my still warm blankets and began talking about what our names would be if we were Indians. We didn't stop with just our own names.....Mom was She Who Love Puffs Often (Her "tummy problems" will be covered in a future post. For now I'll just let you know that Love Puffs are her way to say FARTS.)....I can't remember mine...probably something about my fear of having split ends.....Mom loves standing behind me in a line and making comments about all my split ends, really funny Mom....just remember who will be wiping your butt when you're old and senile! My name could have had something to do with peeing myself when I laugh....She Who Pees With Laughter....yeah, that would be me!

Back to names: As I said, we didn't stop at our own....we came up with names for ALL of our relatives. Dad was He Who Growls, Bubba....hmmm....can't remember my brother's...might have had something to do with his being an artist....He Who Draws With Sticks & Buffalo Poo.....cousin Timmy was He Who Farts Loud & Often (....like Mom can talk!). We were laughing so hard that we woke my Dad up....true to form, he came in and growled at us...that only made us laugh harder. He wasn't enjoying our middle of the night merriment. Odd.

We never did go back to sleep......throughout the day we'd come up with names for friends, neighbors and even celebrities. We finally had to stop cuz I had gone through 3 pairs of undies laughing so hard.....Thanks for the blog-jog Running Fart!

Great Day to Be Alive!

The image “http://www.geocities.com/complimentingcommenter/commenteravatar.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.

Complimenting Commenter is paying me a very high compliment! I'm the featured blog today!! YAY!!! I love this site...it's so positive. It's one of my Daily Blogations....I just realized that I don't have a button for the site, only the I've been complimented button. YAY!! I get to go make another button.....my day is getting better and better!

Be sure to check out CC....we all need a little good news in our day.


Thursday, June 02, 2005

Back in Style?!?

Yesterday I'm filling my face at a chinese restaurant when this young guy comes in....he's all punk'd out with hat on sideways...you know, the way we used to do it when we were kids pretending to be retarded.....his clothes would fit a 500 lb man....he even has a "goldish" chain. It fo shizzle wasn't gold!...see I can speak "hip!" I got to looking at the kids shorts...I've seen guys dressed in shorts like these for years, now. Hanging off the bottom of their bums, boxers rising out of them like the morning sun chasing away the moon. This time, though, I suddenly had a revelation..............
Only this time...they are being worn by guys looking to be the hippest of the hip!!! Women wore them to slimify their hips....guys don't even wear them on their hips!! Women NEVER would have worn them under their bums with their granny panties covering everything we work so hard at hiding!

It's sad, but true...Gouchos are back and the boys are looking as ridiculous as ever.

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    I'm older than Rolling Stone magazine, younger than color television, bigger than a Xbox, smaller than a Winnebago, taller than a goat, shorter than a horse, wider than a parking meter, "narrower" than the Space Needle, serious as a heart attack, sillier than the tickles, smarter than the average bear, dumber than my Mom, prettier than dirt, "uglier" than a sunset, girlie as a pryncess, moves through crowds like a linebacker, anal as an accountant, laid-back as a slug, darker than white chocolate, lighter than butterscotch pudding, louder than a whisper, "quieter" than a fog horn
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