Smoking

I'm envious of smokers. No, it's not: their smell, their yellowed teeth, their deep hacking coughs, their glass-shard-gargling voices, their leathered skin, their need to smoke no matter how much it inconveniences the nonsmokers in their life, & don't even get me started on all the money that is used to feed their habit....what I'm envious of is their "chill factor." They can be in an extremely stress-filled situation take a "breather" (meaning they take a moment to breathe in the most noxious fumes they can find) and then *poof* all is well in their world. The nonsmoker is still fuming, but the smoker's stress has all gone up in smoke. Literally! I want some of that! Of course, without all the stink and crap.

No need to fret, I have a plan. Due to having a throat that closes up when it comes in contact with noxious fumes I will never be able to inhale all those chillin' fumes. So, no actual smoking for me. Nope, I'm all about the patches! Yep, I'm gonna ease my way into Chill World. I'm trying to remember the commercials I've seen. If memory serves me right (yes, I'm quoting the Chairman from Iron Chef. That dude is cool! Anyway....) ok, if memory serves me right the patches are set up so that I can take the lowest dose and then move to the higher doses when I need more "chill." I'll be a chillin' villain in no time! And without all the stink and crap! Why they don't market those patches to those of us who can't smoke is beyond me!

If it wasn't for getting cancer and having obnoxious & noxious toxins invade my body.....I would soooooo be patchin' it!