Giving up Lentils & Lint for Lent

Lent is upon us....I don't know all the petty details such as when it is, or really what it's all about. I do know that people give things up for Lent. I've been pondering what I would give up for Lent. I'm not sure why anything is given up, who it's given up to, or even who decides what is acceptable to be given up. Is there a Lent Inspector?
If people can give up whatever they want then there's a bunch of crap that I'm giving up: cocaine, crack, meth, heroin, beer, wine, liver, prostitution, men, my collection of shrunken testicles (heads are so last season!), migraines, earaches, my obsession with drag racing, and a veritable plethora of other things. As with New Year's resolutions, it's important to set yourself up for success. Therefore, I have given up things that will in no way be missed. In fact, the only things on that list that I actually have are migraines and earaches.....and I sure won't have a problem letting them go! So there ya go! I will be such a success at Lent that I will become an example used by Priests and Ministers all over the world. I'll be the Lent Queen! I better go work on my wave.....elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist, wrist..........can't wait to see how the tiara looks on me!