Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Hacking, Snorking & Sneezing, Oh My!

It's, once again, time for my yearly cold....My voice sounds like my name is Madge & I've been smoking 2 packs a day for 40 years...I work in a greasy-spoon diner & if you're lucky my cigarette butt hasn't fallen into your greasy undercooked eggs! Also...my knee-hi stockings are now rolled around my ankles and my dirty slip is dangling below the hem of my uniform & the strap is limply grazing my elbow. I have sweat stains under my arms & my hair is dyed pure black...like my teeth....I have 2 kids that never come to see me & a husband named Herb that lives in his recliner smoking through his trach & eating through his stomach tube. Nasty throat cancer! I told him not to smoke menthols...I'm a camel gal myself! We have an old deaf & blind dog named goddamit...it's not really his name, but it's what everyone calls him...his real name has been lost in the smoke that continuously circles the stained ceiling that once was white and is now the color of fall leaves...burnt fall leaves. That's my story....
Does anyone else find it really odd that Costco sells caskets? I didn't intend to shop for caskets...I'm sick, but not THAT sick! At least, I hope not....hmmmm....I do have that pain in my right elbow....could be cancer...or a tumor...or something ending in -tigo, -emia, or -algia.....nah, it's more than likely arthritis. So, yeah, I was checking out Costco's website & blammo!! Caskets! Fer reeeal! I found the perfect little resting place for my Pud-Pud. Mama misses you, Puddy!
Man, what an odd post....cold, Madge, goddamit, Costco, caskets & my dead cat.....welcome to my life.


Monday, October 22, 2007

Inches Lost!

<~~ This is me before.

<~~ And after! I lost oodles of inches....too bad they weren't off my chubby-bubby butt! No, I'm really not thrilled with my haircut. She didn't listen to a word I said when explaining how I wanted my hair cut! grrrrrrrr No more Great Clips for me!

Hopefully my hair will make a little boy or girl very happy....I have donated my hair to Locks of Love

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