And now a word from our sponsors....

I read this and it just crackled me up. As I wrote this there's an ad on tv for enzyte....too funny. Can you imagine the trial? All these men sitting there with their teeny-tiny-peenies pouting cuz they saw an infomercial with some big tata'd porn star saying that this pill would increase the size of their teeny-tinies and wonder of wonders, it didn't work! Well cool your jets turbo cuz it actually did increase the size of their teeny-tinies....their brains have enlarged due to learning that this pill didn't enlarge their under engorged teeny-tiny.

And now a pause for this public service announcement:

Surprised Customer Says Penis Pills Don't Work

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - A New Jersey man has filed a false advertising lawsuit against a maker of herbal penis enlargement pills, alleging the medicine does not fulfill its promises, the plaintiff's lawyer said on Monday.

Two similar cases, filed last year in Colorado and Ohio, accuse manufacturers of herbal dietary supplements, VigRx and Enzyte, of falsely claiming to be able to add substantial length and girth to a man's penis.

All three suits seek class action status and claim to represent more than 1 million total plaintiffs.

In the latest case, filed on Jan. 21 in New Jersey state court, plaintiff Michael Coluzzi claimed he paid $59.95 for a 30-day supply of Alzare pills but "experienced no increase in penis size," and then was unable to collect a promised refund from manufacturer Alzare LLC of Boca Raton, Florida.

Neither Alzare nor chief operating officer Scott Hammond, both named as defendants, could be reached for comment.

Coluzzi's attorney, Stephen DeNittis, said many men had been taken in by dubious claims that the product would add up to 3 inches (7.5 cm) to their penises by "very, very convincing" advertising, such as infomercials featuring doctors and porn stars.

"Males, for whatever reason, may be susceptible because of what they feel they lack," DeNittis said. "It was so believable I confirmed with an expert (that the claims were false) before I filed the lawsuit. They said they had done medical studies proving that it works."

The ads for Alzare tablets, comprised of ginseng, yohimbe bark, L-arginine and other ingredients, guaranteed results within a week and claimed a 95 percent success rate in the more than 100,000 men who have used it, the suit said.

But last year, the Center for Science in the Public Interest filed a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission saying the maker of Enzyte had not backed up its claims with science.

Although thousands of complaints have been registered with local government agencies and the Better Business Bureau, few lawsuits have been filed because the companies appear to be "judgment proof," DeNittis said.

"They don't have enough assets for plaintiffs to recover, and some of the defendants are fly-by-night -- they close up shop after they get sued," he said.

All three lawsuits claim that plaintiffs were unable to contact the companies for guaranteed refunds after spending hundreds of dollars for the penis enhancers.