Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Monitor Shmonitor

Welcome to my hell. On this floor you will find the carcasses of dead monitors. It's not the dead ones that make this hell, though. They are only here for ambience. No, what makes this Monitor Hell are the monitors that work. They work, but....and this is one ginormous B U T.....they are absolutely the most crappy-crap-crap EVER!!!

I know, I should be grateful that I even have a monitor...even if it is the crappiest of crap-craps.....BITE MY FAT FUZZY!!! I'm NOT grateful!!! ::insert foot stomping here:: I want my old monitor back! It had a 19 inch screen, pretty colors, a contrast button that actually worked (herein lies my problem), and I had decorated the area around the screen with cute little Pooh thingies! Pooh makes me happy, get over it. I'm not on this planet to please you!

When I look at my favorite blogs I want to be able to see their imaginative backgrounds, not your basic run-of-the-mill blackhole.....I want their kids to look human, rather than resembling dark orange Star Trek rejects!.....I want pictures of sunny scenery to look sunny, and not cloudy with chances of a hurricane!....::insert big ass whine here::

What really gets my knickers in a knot are my beautiful buttons (I just had a line from Shrek slam into my head and it is refusing to go away! "not my beautiful gumdrop buttons!" Am I the only person on this planet that can't stand that whiney cookie's voice??? If he was chocolate chip....ohhhhhhh....he'd be such a goner!!!)...ok back to MY beautiful buttons.....they are only beautiful on this crappy-crappola piece of crap! When I saw them on Butchy's laptop....not so much....didn't look as beautiful as I thought. Butchy says that they're fine and basically....no I'm not quoting her here....I'm so anal I can't sit down for fear of sucking up the furniture (that just sounds painful!). For now my buttons have to stay imperfect. ::groan:: I do suffer so. I think I feel "the vapors" coming on.....uh oh....I just re-read the part about chocolate chip cookies....they are the only cure for "the vapors" that I know of. Not that I actually looked for any other cure once I discovered how well they dealt with the much dreaded "vapors." Why would I even bother continuing my highly scientific study??? That would be lunacy!

Mother of God & the Pope, too! I can't believe this! I just looked up the definition of "vapors." No, Merriam-Webster doesn't have the " ".....that's just cuz they aren't as clever as I am. Anyway...the definition....get a load of this:

1 : diffused matter (as smoke or fog) suspended floating in the air and impairing its transparency
2 a : a substance in the gaseous state as distinguished from the liquid or solid state b : a substance (as gasoline, alcohol, mercury, or benzoin) vaporized for industrial, therapeutic, or military uses; also : a mixture (as the explosive mixture in an internal combustion engine) of such a vapor with air
3 a : something unsubstantial or transitory : PHANTASM b : a foolish or fanciful idea

That was all truly booooooring! Now here's the good stuff!

4 plural a archaic : exhalations of bodily organs (as the stomach) held to affect the physical or mental condition

Here's the one I was talking about...sheesh they saved it for last!
b : a depressed or hysterical nervous condition

I just HAD to bold and "redden" the bestest part of the definition......wait til y'all hear about my Mama!! That woman mastered the fine art of "vaporing." Again with the " "! Cool your jets, Turbo....I like 'em! Just so y'all know...I don't do the finger " "....that's just annoying!

This post is a heckuva lot longer than I had planned....blame it on "the vapors." I'll tell y'all about my Mama later. Y'all? When did I become a southern belle? Oh, that's right...when I started discussing "the vapors!" Here they come, again! Hurry...hand me a chocky chip cookie!


Blogger RagDoll declared....

May the monitor gods see fit to grant you a brand new WORKING beautiful monitor soon. And here's hoping it doesn't take a chunk out of the pocketbook. I despise monitors that don't do their job.

Wonderful blog. Mind if I add you to my list of must reads?

5/17/2005 3:27 PM  
Blogger BM, The Necessary Movement declared....

Hey i have that problem too!!!!!

5/18/2005 12:00 PM  
Blogger Burfica declared....

Well shit, now I'm craving chocolate chip cookies!!!!

When my mom went in the nursing home I too her big big big monitor and sent my little crappy one. You should have seen me getting used to the big one first, about bugged my eyes out.

Now that I'm going to texas for the summer, I'll have the small one again. I'm sure I'll complain about that too. hehehehe

Nothing a good hot fudge sundae can't cure.

5/18/2005 9:28 PM  
Blogger Alekx declared....

Monitors are supose to show you nice pretty colors and not just black and green
Well hell
I'm screwed

5/19/2005 4:32 PM  

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