Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Going to Hell

Just so's y'all know, Butchy is a heathen. She's knocking on Heaven's door and they're all inside hiding under the table shushing each other. Her eternal soul is damned to the depths of hell. I keep waiting for the lightning to zot-foof her off the planet and into eternity......clear skies, so far. Don't hold your breath, though. The girl is walkin' on the darkside now.

Wanna know what she did? It has nothing to do with her being gay.....people who think gays won't be in heaven are in for one fabulous surprise. Who do you think will be in charge of picking out the colors to paint all those mansions in heaven? Only a gay man can guarantee the mansions will match the pearly gates and the streets made of gold. Puh-leze! So, the gay thing? Doesn't doom anyone to hell. What she did tonight is much worse than being gay.

You better make sure you're sitting ass fully against the chair....no chance of falling over. You might want to lean against the desk.....this is your last warning.

Butchy....gasp!....tore the cover off of a Bible! Are you feeling the vapors coming on? I know it's a little much to grasp all at once...but, I swear to God on my lovely COVERED Bible that it's the God's honest truth!

You're probably wondering why she would desecrate God's Word. Well....maybe.....it could be....perhapsibly (a word I made up that sooo should be in the dictionary)......uhmmm.......ok....I confess! I asked her to do it! Am I going to hell by association? I'm too fabulous for hell. Here's the deal.....the little old lady that Butchy takes care of was helping her son and his partner getting things moved out of their house and to a house in the country by just randomly throwing stuff in the garbage. That's her way to clean house. She's almost 100, what is there that's really worth holding on to at that age? Into the garbage went her son's mail....that he hadn't read yet....and one of her Bibles. He couldn't bring himself to throw the Bible away, so I agreed to take it for him and use it in my scrapbooking. When I saw it I realized that due to my strict-stick-in-the-ass-fundamentalist upbringing I wouldn't be able to bring myself to cut out my favorite passages unless the cover was ripped off. I'm ok with underlining and highlighting in my Bible....but actually cutting something out of it? That's just wild! So, Butchy....being the only one willing to acknowledge that the Bible is simply a book....stepped outside and ripped off the front cover for me.

Many people would say the Bible is the Word of God. But, according to the Bible, it's the words of God and Jesus is the Word. Rest assured, Butchy did not in any way, shape or form rip anything off of Jesus. He's still sitting up in Heaven, at the right hand of God, waiting for God to give him the go ahead to come back and scare the holy living crap out of all the heathens, pagans, and everyone else who isn't on G.W. Bush's & James Dobson's mailing list. I do believe in the rapture.....I just think that GW & James are gonna be surprised with who shows up at the big party in the sky and who doesn't.

All I know when it comes to what I believe in....I'm thankful that God has a sense of humor! And He couldn't care less about what happens to a book's cover.


Blogger Kim declared....

I'd have done it for ya too! WTG Butchy.

5/26/2005 8:08 AM  
Blogger Burfica declared....

OMG and I acctually braced myself for that. hehehehehee

I"m all a giggle right now

hahahahhaha hehehehehehe hohohohohohoho uh uh uh uh uh

5/26/2005 4:56 PM  

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