Potty Post

Here are some laws that I know exist, even if they aren't in any lawbooks:

When I have to pee so bad that it's starting to squeeze through my chubby-bubby thighs...there will be an obstacle course for me to conquer before I can reach the bathroom. We're talking about an obstacle course that would break a Marine's spirit!

When I don't really have to pee, but I'm gonna go anyway....there will be absolutely nothing in my way....the path will be as clear as Gonzaga University's hallways during spring break.

When I need to run into a grocery store for one item....I will ALWAYS go in the door farthest from the item I need. Not because I planned it this way to get more exercise....oh no!....that's never on my mind....I'm running in for a necessity like chunky brownie fudgy ice cream....not exercise, please! I have my standards!

When in a humungous store and I realize that I need to pee NOW....I will be in the extreme opposite corner of the bathroom AND every slow-doddering-pokey-just-browsin'- gonna-hog-the-WHOLE-aisle-with-my-cart, -my-fat-ass and my retarded child WILL undoubtedly be in front of me!

When I read a hardcover book I take off the dustjacket, I'd rather have that look pristine than the book itself....I know, I'm a dork. Anyway....when picking up a hardcover book without it's dustjacket, I will ALWAYS end up holding it upside down.

The quicker you want someone to move the slower they will move. They are in direct proportion to each other. ALWAYS!!!

These truths I hold to be self-evident....I'm sure there are bunches more, but I really needed to pee so peeing was all I could think about as I was planning this post while going potty.

Sidenote: If anyone can explain to me what the hell Thoughts and Humor was saying in their comment on my Books, Books and more Books post I'd appreciate a translation. That comment made my brain cramp....where's the "Mindol?" Yes, I meant M-i-n-d-o-l!