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Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Horrible Day

I hate anniversaries. Not all anniversaries, just anniversaries of horrible events. Today is one of those type of anniversaries for me.

4 years ago today my cat, Baby Girl, was attacked by 2 dogs. Baby Girl had been mine for almost 5 years by this time. When I adopted her she was a skittish frightened little puff ball. She was born into a house full of monster-kids and parents who just didn't give a rip. As long as the monsters weren't bothering the adults....messing with their highs, buzzes & whatever else that was more important than raising well-behaved happy kids..... Part of not messing with the adults was terrorizing the kittens, Baby Girl included. I knew when I "rescued her from the pit of hell" that it would take a long time before she trusted me. In fact, I wasn't sure she ever would. That was ok with me, I just wanted her safe.

To say I was protective of her is a gross understatement. I wasn't a hovering suffocating kitty-mama.....I was just very aware of how she was treated by my friends & their children. If a friend allowed their child to chase &/or terrorize my BG (after I had made a request, or 10, for their child to leave her alone) the visit was cut short and they were not welcome in my home. That showed me they didn't respect me or my home. Bye-bye!

BG and I bonded....but it took about a year. She came to me, on her terms and I was fine with that. I earned her trust and she was won over by my love. She was my heart-kitty.

A neighbor rescued her from the 2 dogs. My ex had my car and refused to let me take her to the vet. I called my best friend, Misty. Misty arrived as fast as her little putt-putt car could get her to my place. On the way to the vet BG was in a 1/2 box....needing something to chew on she chose my eye glasses that were in the box next to her. I was in shock and didn't care about my glasses, Misty suggested I give her my leather wallet. Still not caring, I switched the glasses with my wallet. I still have those chewed on glasses and wallet. I was still wearing those glasses until recently when the ear piece broke.....I had many offers to buffer out the scratches, I never let anyone touch them.

The vet was wonderful with BG. There were no broken bones, but they wanted to keep her overnight. My fog was still far from lifting and I left BG at the vet's. This is one of the biggest regrets of my life. She was terrified. She needed to be with me. If I could turn back time, I would have taken her home with me.

Waiting for the vet's office to open the next morning was torture. I waited until 10 minutes after their opening hour and then called to check up on BG. The vet came on the line and told me that BG had died while they were examining her. Their best guess was that she had a heart attack. She was literally scared to death.

I should have brought her home with me. In my heart, I'm convinced that if I had she wouldn't have died. My only comfort is that she's no longer in any pain, she's free from fear and I will be with her again.

Now you know the biggest regret of my life.

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