Torched

MOSCOW (Reuters) - A woman set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said Wednesday.
Asked if the man would make a full recovery, a police spokeswoman said it was "difficult to predict."
The attack climaxed three years of acrimonious enforced co-habitation. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat, something common in Russia where property costs are very high.
"It was monstrously painful," the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper. "I was burning like a torch. I don't know what I did to deserve this."

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Is he serious?!? Really?? He has no clue what he did to deserve being flambe'd? I don't speak Russian, but I have a Doctorate in Fed-up Female. Just reading the article pissed me off. Let's give him a couple of clues as to why his ex-wife would torch his crotch....# 1: your naked-stinky-hairy-ass is sitting on furniture that she will not be able to bring herself to sit on ever again...(I know I'm assuming, but it just makes sense)....# 2: You are divorced...do you really think your ex wants to see you naked EVER AGAIN?!?...# 3: She told you Irina & Olga were coming over for borscht & bagels and you refused to get your naked-stinky-hairy-ass out of the livingroom & watch the tv in your pig-sty of a bedroom....what other choice did she have? I bet this woman finds jail to be a vacation!