Tuesday, February 08, 2005

No Fat, No Support

It has become clear that losing weight would bring about many disadvantages. It's now necessary to weigh the advantages against the disadvantages. To make this decision I need some lightly buttered popcorn, chocolate w/almonds and some Diet Lemon Lime Twist Up.

Disadvantage #1:
My boobs would end up tucked into my socks. The belly supports the boobies. No belly no booby support! That sounds pretty serious to me!

Chubby-bubby thighs are wonderful when ya really gotta pee. I don't have to rely on muscle control alone, holding my thighs together keeps me accident free. There's just no room for nothin' between those bubbies!

I can sit on concrete longer than Mary-Kate can without having holes bored into my bum from my bumbones. This talent is used primarily at parades, I've kicked my habit of sitting in traffic impersonating a speedbump.

Bulldozing my way through a crowd clears a path like Moses at the Red Sea. Old women and children beware!

Noone tries to prove their masculinity by lifting me over their head. They know that this would only prove their ability to get a hernia if they even attempted it!

The whole Stupid Detector thing mentioned in a previous post.

My clothes can be used as housing for a small, as in thin, family of 3. Maybe this is an advantage for losing weight......need more chocolate to think about this.

Standing next to me causes thin women to look even thinner!

I'm sure there's more, I'm in a sugar low now......


Blogger Charone declared....


2/08/2005 10:16 PM  

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