No Fat, No Support

It has become clear that losing weight would bring about many disadvantages. It's now necessary to weigh the advantages against the disadvantages. To make this decision I need some lightly buttered popcorn, chocolate w/almonds and some Diet Lemon Lime Twist Up.

Disadvantage #1:
My boobs would end up tucked into my socks. The belly supports the boobies. No belly no booby support! That sounds pretty serious to me!

#2:
Chubby-bubby thighs are wonderful when ya really gotta pee. I don't have to rely on muscle control alone, holding my thighs together keeps me accident free. There's just no room for nothin' between those bubbies!

3#:
I can sit on concrete longer than Mary-Kate can without having holes bored into my bum from my bumbones. This talent is used primarily at parades, I've kicked my habit of sitting in traffic impersonating a speedbump.

#4:
Bulldozing my way through a crowd clears a path like Moses at the Red Sea. Old women and children beware!

#5:
Noone tries to prove their masculinity by lifting me over their head. They know that this would only prove their ability to get a hernia if they even attempted it!

#6:
The whole Stupid Detector thing mentioned in a previous post.

#7:
My clothes can be used as housing for a small, as in thin, family of 3. Maybe this is an advantage for losing weight......need more chocolate to think about this.

#8:
Standing next to me causes thin women to look even thinner!

I'm sure there's more, I'm in a sugar low now......