Stupid !@#$%^ Profile!!!

The war has NOT been won!! The blog gods may have won this battle, I will concede my defeat, but the war is still raging!!! It has been a bloody battle, both sides are bruised and bleeding from places that aren't supposed to be bruised, or bleeding for that matter. "There's really not a place that is supposed to be bruised, is there? hmmmmm Anyway...I'm not gonna even get in the same breathing space as "supposed to be bleeding!" nuh uh...no way! So....anyway....*

Here's my war story: It was a drunk and stormy night. *that's a great line to begin a book with.....too bad it doesn't fit anything happening in my life right now!* Let's try telling my war story, again: For the last decade (of minutes. That would mean 10 minutes, right?) I have been trying to "publish" my profile. It's quite witty and maybe even a little interesting....BUT noooooo the blog gods say that I must be witty in under 1200 words!!!! That just ain't gonna happen!!! Do I have to create the Profile Cliff Notes? Puh-leze! I've got some important & vital information to share.....well...ok...it's neither important nor vital, but it is....hmmmm....that's got me stumped. I'm typing in a nice color, don'tcha think? The font isn't too "out there," either. Wait, it's witty, that's right!! My profile is witty and maybe a tad interesting. It is supposed to be a tool for others to find out if they want to get to know me, or if they just want to be stupid boogers and go on their merry stupid way never realizing that they have just made a choice that will change their lives FOREVER. *This is starting to sound like a chain letter blog. Wonder if I can make any money off it?* ANYWAY *I make myself tired running along all those stupid rabbit trails!* Back to ANYWAY, my profile isn't posting/publishing/pooping (no clue what the proper word is) right. So, alas, my imaginary friends will never be able to make the choice that could alter their life's destiny. It's a sad day on Pryncess Planet.

WAIT!!! Hold the presses, or the compresses...whichever works for you......I just had a brilliant idea. I'll be right back, I've got to find my sunglasses and some sunblock!

Ok, I'm back, and very UV protected....here's the idea.....you've been warned, it's a good'un!....I'm gonna put my Profile in a post!!!
I am triumphant....it's time for a little victory dance. Funny how my victory dance looks a lot like the macarena. Seeing as that's the only dance I know, I go with what I know. I've perfected the macarena, and wait til you taste my sauce! *that was too obscure for me and I'm the one that said it* My waist, what a terrible thing to mind. Or something like that........

::drumroll::
::music from Iron Chef::
Voiceover: Who's Profile will reign supreme?
Chairman: Pryncess Kat!! *Domo arigato Mr. Roboto*

MY PROFILE

Interests:

I love long walks on the beach; of course I'm not the one doing the walking. I'm riding on one of those cool "gurneys" that carried the Princess and Maharajah in the good ol days. *probably not so good for the ones doing the carrying!* Being fanned with palm fronds by some hunky men. I'm thinking that I should include chocolate in here somehow. The problem is, if I have chocolate then I'll need milk and this ride isn't that smooth. The boys need to have their suspensions checked! Now I'm bored, guess I'm not very interesting...or interested anyway. I’m easily distra

Ok, the shiny object has moved on. I'm back. I'm going to work hard on focusing and get this profile posted.

About Me:
It seems redundant to me that there's an "About Me" box in my profile....isn't the blog all about me?

Here's some info, just in case you are bored out of your skull and don't have anything better to read:
I'm “at least 26.”
Humor is a necessity, if you don't have one then go away! I don't wanna play with you no more!!
I'm fat. Yep, I'm fat in all the right spots. I'm also fat in all the wrong spots, but I figure it all evens out in the wash. *What the heck is that supposed to mean?*
Being fat is a great Stupid Detector. We all need a good user-friendly Stupid Detector. For a small fee, you may rent me for "stupid detecting purposes ONLY!" My being fat is perfection, I never have to wonder who the stupid people are in any crowd. They pipe right up and declare, "I'm the stupid person! Me, Me, Me!!" What they think they're saying is something derogatory about my weight...but I just feel gratitude for their comment, I no longer have to wonder who the stupid person/people is/are.
Regarding stupid people: Why is it that stupid people feel the urgent need to only state the obvious? I know for a fact that if a person is fat, they are aware of it! I didn't go to sleep one night with a perfect size 6 body and wake up with the perfect size 6 times 5 body that I have now. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've heard a stupid person say, "You're fat!" ok. and? Do they walk up to the blind and declare that the person is blind? Do they approach beautiful women and state the fact that they are gorgeous? Well, actually that wouldn't be stupid, more on the order of a great pick-up line.....but if the hot woman just happened to be holding a blind-fat-E.T. looking-baby, would they bring that to the hottie's attention? Probably, if they were a genuine stupid person! There's so much more to say about stupid people, I'll just have to pace myself and restrain myself from posting it all at once. So, that's it.......for now.

Favorite Movies:

Action/suspense with a good plot, I'm not of the mindset that if there's a great explosion then there doesn't have to be a good plot. Both must be equally explosive! When the movie is over I want to mourn that the ride has ended. That's how I feel when I finish an incredible book.

Favorite Music:

Depends on my mood. I love something from every genre. Isn't genre a great word? It's one of those words that you see in writing, but rarely hear someone actually pronounce correctly. *szahn-ruh*

Favorite Books:

I'm "author oriented." After finding an author whose style I enjoy, I'll get every book that they have ever written. Let me clarify. I'll only get the books they've published. I'm not a crazy fan that will break into their house to read their unpublished *or is it nonpublished?* works. I can see the papers' headlines now: "Kat the Reader captured! She commented that the book was too good to put down!"
Here is a list of my faves: Jonathan Kellerman, John Grisham, Tom Clancy *Jack Ryan Series!!,* Lisa Scottoline, David Baldacci, Anne McCaffrey *Pern!!,* Michael Palmer, JK Rowling, *Not "into" Harry like I want to marry him when I grow up, (I mean, when HE grows up), but the books are good,* JRRRRR Tolkein, (does he really need all those R's? Didn’t he know there would be kids dying in some country somewhere cuz he's hoarding all the R's?!?!) For my femme side I like Debbie Macomber. She writes about an area I lived in for a couple of years, Western WA.
There are other authors I love as well, but I'm not gonna list 'em cuz I'm starting to sound like a real geekwad.

So, there ya have it. Are you awed? I'll be quiet so you can reflect & savor the moment.......