I'm older than Rolling Stone magazine, younger than color television, bigger than a Xbox, smaller than a Winnebago, taller than a goat, shorter than a horse, wider than a parking meter, "narrower" than the Space Needle, serious as a heart attack, sillier than the tickles, smarter than the average bear, dumber than my Mom, prettier than dirt, "uglier" than a sunset, girlie as a pryncess, moves through crowds like a linebacker, anal as an accountant, laid-back as a slug, darker than white chocolate, lighter than butterscotch pudding, louder than a whisper, "quieter" than a fog horn
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